If you've just dropped by or random'ed into me, please leave a comment and say hello.

Let me know how you found me, where you're from, why you're here, a little about yourself, recommend a book, recommend a movie, tell me a secret, tell me something, ask me a question, etc. =)

Ad Astra,

The Bride of the First House.
bride (at) livejournal (dot) com

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weather	:		mainly sunny
outside	:		20.3°C
mood	:		...

You are a perfectionist.

This assessment comes up in survey results and personality profiles for me a fair bit.

The truth is, I'm far from a perfectionist. I think I'm labelled that way because people just don't know what it is. Much like people generally don't understand what "anti-social" really means and usually use it incorrectly.

True perfectionists are usually utter failures because they can't accept anything short of Absolutely Perfect™. They're so obsessed with unreal expectations that they stop trying because they have an All-Or-None approach to success. They cannot differentiate what is and is not within the realm of possibility for their own situation nor adapt their actions and attitudes accordingly.

Perfectionism is the uncompromising persuit of an unrealistic and unattainable level of achievement. The key words are "uncompromising", "unrealistic" and "unattainable".

It's a very destructive trait to have and it sounds a lot like a learning disability.

The very few true perfectionists who are successful are only successful by luck of the draw. Circumstances have given them exactly the right environment that between All or Nothing, they've always gotten the All.

I can have very high standards for myself and still not be a perfectionist. I accept failure and try to understand it to do different and better next time. I accept that making mistakes is a part of learning. I accept that success doesn't always mean that I arrive at the goal I first intended to arrive at. And even if I do, I can accept a lower standard as a trade-off for something else that had to be given up to get there.

I can accept that there will always be people who do better and worse than I do at anything. There will always be people smarter and dumber, taller and shorter, thinner and fatter than I am.

I don't see that I'm much of a perfectionist.

weather	:		sunny
outside	:		22.1°C
mood	:		...

This question seemed quite à propos, in light of multiple recent car accidents happening to and around people I know... aieesh... =\

You witness a non-fatal car wreck, do you help (stop and/or call 911) or continue on?

I had front row seats for a car accident a while back. It was dark, rainy and cold and I wanted to go home, so I didn't stick around or give my info to anyone. I didn't even bother to get the license plates or makes/models of the vehicles. I sent a witness account by e-mail to ICBC when I got home and described what the two vehicles looked like, approximately.

The vehicle in front of me had been waiting behind a left-turning sedan. At that point, he was entirely in the intersection already. Because of pedestrians and other vehicles running the amber light, the left turner couldn't turn until the light was already red.

This left him right in the middle of the intersection and needing to go straight through on his red.

Cross traffic started moving though. One car zipped around and in front of him, while most of the other traffic was hesitating, not sure what to do with him being in a weird spot. But then a taxi rammed right into his passenger side.

He was in the middle of an intersection on his red, so without a witness, I think he would have been completely at fault. They thanked me profusely for it and said they'd pay it forward. =)

I wasn't thinking about fault or liability at the time though. I wasn't sure who I would help with my statement, but I felt that independent facts should be added, just in case.

weather	:		light rain
outside	:		11.6°C
mood	:		avoidant

Friday Fun: June 14, 2007

1. If, for one day, you could flip-flop lives with any celebrity, who would it be and why?

I'd pick someone super wealthy. They don't have to be that famous, as long as they have scads and scads of money they don't deserve. I'd give as much of it away as I could to as many worthy causes as possible in the time that I have in their place.

I was thinking of a certain bleached blonde pencil-neck loser-and-a-half with Vicodin withdrawal dragged wailing and crying for her Mommy all the way back to the cushy section of jail. But that brought me to...

3. Is there anyone you would not want to flip-flop lives with for a day? Why?

... the exact same bleached blonde pencil-neck loser-and-a-half with Vicodin withdrawal dragged wailing and crying for her Mommy all the way back to the cushy section of jail.

I'm imagining it would feel empty, wretched and worthless as her. To be that unattractive and that talentless; to have nothing going for you except the wealth and social ties of your family; to have no other way of becoming a household name than to deliberately create media scandals about yourself, is absolutely no life worth living.

4. What is one aspect of your life you would like to flip-flop?

I really like the skin I have on the inside of my upper arm. It's smooth, soft, light and hairless. I wish I could exchange that skin with the rest of my body.

weather	:		light rain
outside	:		13.7°C
mood	:		...

Can I see your wallet?

What is it about peoples' wallets that are so neat to kibbitz? I guess it's interesting to see what people keep in them, how they organize them, how they use them, mentally compare the credit card expiry date against how worn out the card looks (and see if the owner tries to justify it to you), whose pictures they carry in it, etc. It's like being able to peek into their soul with both hands around the sides of your eyes blocking the outside light so you can see better =)

This is my current wallet [pics: with flash; no flash]. I get comments on it all the time, so I thought I should chuck it in here as a journal entry.

It's black with three acrylic, shiny, MacOSX-style aqua flowers on it. I'm always drawn to the simple-but-lovely look.

I got it at Ardène, one of those ultimate annoying pre-teen girly stores at the mall. Most of their stuff is cheap plastic, chintzy and gawdy. But once in a while, I'll see something cute and cool.

I saw my wallet about 5 years ago and bought it because it was so darned pretty. It was in the clearance bin for $10 or $20. I can't remember how much I paid for it, but I remember thinking it wouldn't last long because it was so cheap. I thought the zipper would break or the flowers would fall off within a month or two. But, thankfully, it still hasn't shown a whole lot of signs of wear and tear. =)

It's probably the most non-functional, pain in the ass wallet I have ever owned. XD It has no full length slot for cash. I have to fold my bills in half and just stuff them in one of the pouches. I find that this hasn't been too bad though. It means I take a little longer putting change away when I'm at a cash register though. But I've gotten used to just moving off to the side or borrowing some near waist-height real estate nearby in the store to organize myself before I leave.

The wallet was made for children. By and large, children don't need to deal with adult-type consumer transactions involving cash or credit/debit/ID cards.

But I put up with it because it's such a cute wallet. XD And, besides, the inconvenience of it helps curb the spending. =)

weather	:		sunny
outside	:		13.0°C
mood	:		cheerful

What are your favorite kinds of flowers?

I generally don't like flowers. Usual bouquet flowers are nice to look at, but not my cuppa. I like interesting flowers. =)

• Strelitzia Reginae (Bird of Paradise flower). I saw these in Capetown, South Africa, when we went to Vivian and Stephen's wedding and met the M's for the first time =)

• Antirrhinum Majus (Snapdragons). It's cool that you can squeeze and let go of the body of the flower to make the petals open and close like the jaw of a dragon.

  But what's even cooler than the snapdragons themselves, is their SEED PODS. =) They look like little skulls of the tortured souls of Jonathan Swift's Lilliputians who had dealt nothing but evil through ignorance in their corporeal lives. Creepy and nifty at the same time. =D

• Not "flowers" per se, but I like Dionaea Muscipula (Venus Flytrap) and Mimosa Pudica (Sensitive Plant). Because it says that plants do have a nervous system of some sort. They are living organisms, capable of movement and reaction just like animals.

• Other than that, probably the most "normal" flower I like is the Rhododendron (Azaleas). I love all types and all colours.

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		-5.4°C
mood	:		pensive

What is "shyness" to you? - from psychology

This was a randomly interesting question because I'm sometimes mistaken for a "shy" person when I'm not. =) Generally, people who think I'm shy, just don't really know me... or they don't know what "shy" means.

Shyness, to me, is wanting more social interaction, but being unable to due to a self-perceived reason that doesn't have to be an inhibitor. Those are the two main components as I see it.

The reasons for it can be from fear, anxiety, lack of understanding, heightened sensitivity to environmental factors... people say a lot of things. They can all apply or not apply to each individual situation to varying degrees and varying combinations. But, in my mind, it doesn't matter as much as the fact that it's a perceived obstacle and can be overcome under the right circumstances.

If there are external reasons why someone can't engage in social interaction — like being in a remote physical location away from civilization or being in a coma — that doesn't necessarily indicate shyness, obviously. Sometimes, external reasons can be contributing factors to shyness. Words or actions from other people can cause the shy person to withdraw even more. The lack of experience in general — and, thus, positive experience — in social situations in childhood could contribute to shyness.

If someone doesn't actually want social interaction at all and they're completely comfortable with that, that's not shyness either. That's introversion, which is not the same thing.

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		3.7°C
mood	:		calm

What's your favorite sweet treat?

Dragon Beard Candy 龍鬚糖.

I rarely get to eat it because it's only something you see around the Lunar New Year celebrations, but it's nifty to watch it being made. Watch the video.

It's one whole tub of thick, gooey maltose sugar dumped into a pan of fine icing sugar or confectioners sugar. A chopstick is stabbed through the middle of the wad. It's pulled out into a doughnut shape and pulled more to stretch it thinner and thinner into less than the thickness of toothpaste accidentally squished out of the carelessly uncapped tube by the knee of a mountaineering child.

It's doubled up on itself and pulled out, doubled up, pulled out, again and again. A rope becomes a handful of rope. A handful of rope becomes a handful of string. The string becomes thinner and thinner. Eventually, you get a handful of white whispy gossamer threads.

I'm always mesmerized watching those threads move, towards the end. I always want to keep watching The Master flick the strand of Dragon's Beard at the end. One day, I'd really love to just have a small strand to play with to my heart's content. They've always looked so strange to me, like poorly done computer graphics animation of hair movement. It looks heavy and light at the same time... just very very unreal.

I'm odd. I like Dragon's Beard plain, just rolled up by itself, without the peanut crumble or anything else that they're usually rolled up with. The threads crunch if you chew on them, but they'll melt into a gob of maltose if you let it. I like that it's not sickly sweet.

weather	:		mostly sunny
outside	:		20.9°C
mood	:		...

This looked like a fun one =)

What's in your purse?

I carry a Jeanne Lottie Canvas Day bag. For some reason, the pictures show it with the top corners folded in (which I think makes it look dumb), but it's not a triangular shape, it's a rectangular tote shaped bag. It retails for $150. I got it at an end-of-season sale with an extra discount-on-discount with my Bay credit card. I paid a total of $60 for it. I needed something bigger for a binder full of documentation and paper for Work. That, and I just have too much crap to tote around.

I also wanted something bigger because I was reading Across The River And Into The Trees (Hemingway). It was a pain to have to carry the book in my hands and balance my coffee and get doors open and everything else, but by the time I decided on the bag, I had finished the book. =P Which is fine. I'm now trying to find Suite Française (Irène Némirovsky) in paperback... I found it in hardcover, but I'm not keen on hauling another brick around.

Incidentally, my Dell Inspiron 630M fits perfectly into it if I felt like carrying that with me. =D

Current contents:

• spring clip portfolio folder with documentation and a big wad of paper with calculations, reference sheets, random miscellaneous notes and scribbles
• 8½x11 scrap paper pad
• assorted sticky notes with and without memoranda on them
• my old pencil case filled with mostly original EQ from my school years
  • Zebra Jimnie 0.5 HB mechanical pencil
  • a few other extra mechanical pencils with assorted cute non-Sanrio animals on them... non-Sanrio animals are just as cute, but MUCH CHEAPER.
  • Berol retractable eraser stick with a Staedtler refill core. Staedtler makes the BEST erasers.
  • Pentel fine point metal tip correction pen
  • another no-name fine point metal tip correction pen with a random cute cartoon bear on it
  • 4 colour retractable fine point pen (black, red, green, blue)
  • GT RoundEdge fine point pens (red, blue, black)
  • ballpoint pen of unknown origin with pink ink... my note-taking convention has always been to use this pink ink pen for examples shown in class =)
  • assorted highlighters (pink, orange, yellow, green, blue)
  • mini 12cm ruler, pink Marron Cream
  • miniature roll of clear tape... this came in handy once and I've always carried clear tape with me since
  • some Staedtler eraser refills, because you never know when a Math exam will be scheduled in a freaking Baba Yaga hut in the middle of Nowhere Forest on the very outskirts of campus and you run out of eraser.
• 256M USB Flash memory stick... EVERY girl needs one
• glasses (Gucci GG 1504) - they're +2/+1 Nerd
• sunglasses (Bollé Meltdown)
• CASIO fx-260SOLAR scientific calculator
• cell phone (Nokia 8390... yeah, yeah, shut up)
• a stick of Bonne Bell VitaGloss
• a pack of Excel gum (Chlorophyll)
• parking security pass and main gate fob
• house/car keys
• black ladies' wallet
• my jacket (sometimes)

We're now in a season for weird weather. It can be cold in the morning, so I need my jacket. But by afternoon, it's sunny and warm and too hot for a jacket. I love that this bag is big enough to tuck my jacket in. =)

[Update - Saturday, February 24, 2007]

As of today, I'm no longer carrying my Nokia 8390. I'm keeping it around as a backup.

I have a Sony Ericsson W810i now. I got a Nokia 5300 for my Dad. He hates flip phones, but he also wants something small. That narrows down the choices considerably. The Nokia 5300 is a bit of a compromise — a slider. It's still a good size brick, but we'll see what he says. If he likes the Sony Ericsson better, I'll give him that and I'll take the Nokia. I like the sliding thing better, but the Sony Ericsson has better features.

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		12.7°C
mood	:		...

I came across this entry: The Habits of Highly Effective Bloggers by Darren Rowse. I've missed the deadline to submit this though. Not that I come anywhere close to being an Effective Blogger™ at all. I have no delusions of being able to blog/journal even seriously, nevermind professionally. But I decided to play along at home for giggles. =)

• No links without at least a little accompanying commentary. First of all, it's called Bookmarks. If I have nothing else to say other than to paste the link into an entry, then they belong in my browser bookmarks only. As well, I've seen someone post a link and didn't say what they felt about the issue. Someone else commented quite passionately on the subject thinking they had the same opinion as the poster. That got ugly rather quickly.

• No quiz results without accompanying commentary. If I have nothing more to say on top of the meme result text, then it doesn't belong. I've posted interesting results where I agreed and disagreed with the results or how the quiz writer seems to interpret the questions and answers. I make exceptions to this once in a while if they're fun and meaningful to me, but I try not to do it often.

• No one-word answers to writing prompt questions and no posts less than a few hundred words. I don't always stick to this, but when I only have a sentence or two, I don't feel it's worthwhile to share. It also means that I'm more likely to attract friends and readers with a certain amount of attention span. I admit, I blather at length about insignificant crap on purpose to choose my audience. If people didn't want to read my journal, they'd remove me. =)

  That's one of the few elements of control I have over who reads me and who doesn't. LJ has security levels for posts, but I try not to use them often if I can help it. If I can't make it wide open public, then I shouldn't be posting it at all.

• I try to post a minimum of once a week. If I have nothing to post, I have nothing to post, but people thinking I'm dead has never been a problem. =)

• Each post belongs to no more than 3 keyword tags. This is so that I make sure each post is roughly packetized. I'm just goofy that way. If it fits under more than one tag, it should really be a true amalgamation and not just multiple unrelated topics in one post. No, I don't follow this to a T either.

• I try to keep my posts positive and upbeat. Ranting and angst have their place. Sometimes, I've felt like I'm not being honest by burying all the bad stuff... afterall, it's a part of me. But it really does make a difference in my own attitude to keep showcasing, highlighting and emphasizing the positive.

  I also do this because, seeing as how there are other people in my everyday life, family members, friends, etc., I can't help but mention them from time to time =) Drama usually only erupts when you speak negatively of people or if it's perceived that way. No one has a problem with being complimented, genuinely appreciated or spoken about in a positive way.

• I try to stay away from cryptic messages and in-jokes. It's funny and interesting to those in the know, but very exclusionary to everyone else.

• I try to respond to everyone who comments. Not everyone has a way of knowing whether you've read their comments and people can't tell if no response means ignoring or not having anything to say. I like to at least say something back to everyone even if it's a tad trite and simple, like "thanks" or "haha". I haven't always kept up with this though because some days, it feels rather dorky and I don't do it.

  It says that I'm here, I'm an actual warm body, I'm not just a source of electrons and I don't just talk to my little clique. It says your words are appreciated and welcome. Of course, I can do this because my friends list is small enough to still be quite personal and I don't get many comments.

weather	:		sunny & raining
outside	:		14.8°C
mood	:		...

This was an interesting question from stainsteelrat:

How do you feel when your LJ friends discuss sex in their journals?

I am not that easily squicked.

I don't mind people talking about sex if it's coming from a place of respect... to themselves, to their partner(s)*, using respectful, mindful and proper language, like scientific, medical terms or poetic, artistically elegant terms, for example.

I'm okay with it if it's considerate of others, like the LJ Friends List, by putting a fair warning and/or LJ-Cutting, for example. Even if there is no LJ cut, but the first paragraph gives me enough info to decide if I want to skip it.

Anything that feels to me like it's outside of that, I won't read. Notice, I didn't say "you shouldn't post." I said "I won't read." =)

* Singular, plural, serial, parallel, your team or not, whatever.

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		5.9°C
mood	:		contemplative

The subject of touch/physical contact came up in a community I read regularly.

I flinch at strangers touching me. On a bus or a public bench, I will sit as far away from the nearest human possible.

I have NO history of sexual abuse, no history of abuse of any sort for that matter. The only person that touches me at all, most of the time, is my husband. We're almost always holding hands when we're together, in public or not. We hug, lean on each other, sit very close together and play-fight a lot.

Asian women tend to hold hands and/or link arms; that's just a cultural norm. I thought I was going to explode the first time my Mother-in-Law linked arms with me, one day, way back when. I think I've gotten used to the arm linking. The only time I hug her is when she's just about to get on a plane to travel somewhere or the first time I see her after she comes back.

When we touch someone we love, we secrete hormones, one of which is the now well-known oxytocin, that biochemically bond us to those we love. It's an important part of the bonding process. Some people simply don't need it as much and get along just fine. They secrete the chemicals they need when they are in close proximity to their lovers and when they make love. It's highly individual.

Most of the INTJ profiles I've read will say something about not wanting to be touched. I found it very true. I'm not sure if it's because of my excessively utilitarian upbringing or if it's my lack of need for oxytocin. It's probably both.

Now that I think about it, the lack of need for physical contact and, therefore, oxytocin, correlates with the fact that A) I don't have many close friends and B) I don't see a huge problem with that.

weather	:		sunny
outside	:		13.9°C
mood	:		cheerful
music	:	Mendelssohn - Violin Concerto in E Minor, Op. 64

Q: What are four of your favorite words?
— from the October 7, 2005 edition of Four For Friday

These have been in my Interest list for a long time now:

勤奮 meaning "diligence", "industriousness".
忍耐 meaning "patience", "restraint".
誠懇 meaning "sincerity".
謙遜 meaning "modesty", "humility".

Unlike most others, persuit of happiness is not my goal. Rather, I believe it will be a side effect of living well, living within the constraints of my circumstances and accepting such. I don't ask to be happy. I only ask to be able to handle whatever life throws at me, good or bad, with dignity and discipline. And happiness will follow.

"Are you happy?" was the question posed to me.

My left hand, alone, is worth more than most peoples' entire estate. I have too much to be thankful for, too much going for me, too many good things happening and really, way too wonderful of a life to be miserable. I simply don't have the right to be unhappy about anything.

I don't care to be happy per se. I accept my life. I accept who I am, where I was, what has been. I make the best of what I have. There's a lot that can be improved. There's never enough time/money/motivation/resources to do everything I want to, but that's the reality of anyone's existence. I do what I can.

weather	:		rainy
outside	:		11°C
mood	:		okay

Firstly, assholes suck. That is all.

Onward.

1. Have you ever been to the emergency room?

I've only been in the ER a few times in my life.

The first time was at age 3 for a dislocated elbow from the Drag-The-Sled-Up-The-Mountain game with family friends' kids. The carpetted flight of stairs was the mountain.

Guess who was the sled. X}

2. What's the worst pain you've ever had?

By far, the worst pain I've had was an emotional pain. Hopelessness and helplessness is blunt, widespread, nowhere and everywhere at the same time. It comes from inside and there's nothing anyone can do about it. The resolution has to come from within.

I might be one of those rare people who don't feel any better to know that I'm not alone. It doesn't resolve my issue and I derive no comfort in knowing that other people are in the same boat. In fact, why would anyone feel better to know that other people are hurting too?

3. If you could choose your doctor, do you prefer someone of the same or opposite sex?

Whoever listens to me and lets me ask questions. Whoever spells keywords for me to Google for.

4. Do you take vitamins?

No. Humans were never meant to take vitamins and supplements that are not in the form of food.

If I wanted Vitamin C, I'll have an organic orange. It may be mostly Vitamin C, but there are hundreds of other nutrients that we haven't isolated, haven't named, don't know anything about and don't yet understand how they're supposed to all work together.

5. Would you prefer to go to the doctor, the dentist or go sky diving?

I prefer going to the dentist.

Ray Fong at the Fairview Dental Centre is the coolest dentist alive. He'll always prefer to preserve your original teeth and only remove or extract if there's no other alternative. I had badly affected teeth from penicillin and tetracycline treatments at 13 and 15 months, I wouldn't have lived otherwise.

Ray gave me the ability to smile freely. And you'd be amazed at how immense something that simple can actually be.

weather	:		clear
outside	:		16.6°C
mood	:		okay

1. Are you a dog or cat person?

Neither. I'm a bird person. I guess most people don't think of avian domestic pets.

2. How many pets do you have?

Two. Skippy, a one year old Lutino, and Sid, an eight year old Normal Grey.

3. What's the best thing about your pets?

Cockatiels are easier to take care of than larger animals. They're small, so they can't do much damage even when they bite and scratch. They're kept in cages if they're going to be left unattended, so you don't have to worry about them destroying the house while you're not looking. Most importantly to me, their feces is much lower in bacteria and sulphur content than larger animals. It doesn't smell as strong as, say, cat or dog poop.

4. What's the weirdest thing your pet has done?

They do some funny things that I've posted about over the last year and a half: flinging water gleefully, chatting with everybody's toes, being outraged at a missing water cup, acting like a retarded bat, etc. ... but they don't do anything especially weird, not for birds anyway.

I have some AVIs of Skippy eating spinach and getting green goo all over her face, but that hasn't been downloaded from the camera yet. =)

5. Plans for any more pets?

Not at the moment. A while back, I had very briefly thought about getting a third — another handfed baby. Sid is pretty grouchy and territorial. I felt bad that that was the only example of behaviour towards others of their own species that Skippy had. But I'm not sure if we can handle more than two.

We'll see, though. I'm not sure how long Sid will live. When we speak sharply at him to stop him from picking, he gets upset. I can't see the anger being good for him or his immune system. He'll eat carrot, corn and peas sometimes, but he's generally not open to eating new foods like Skippy is. He could use some leafy vegetables, for example. So, nutritionally, he's pretty limited. In that way, I don't think he'll live to be more than 15 years old, tops.

fridayfiver, July 22, 2005

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		13.8°C
mood	:		okay

Tagged by Alex... What, I only get SIX slots?!?!?

1. I randomly help internet strangers with semi-geeky stuff. It was a birdie who needed my help, uh-kay?!

2. I tested as many LJ Clients as I possibly could to get them all listed in my Userinfo, back when LJ was still doing that. I had more than Teh Brad himself at the last time I checked. I maintain that he removed that because he was jealous that he didn't have as many as I did. *stifled giggle*

   It's all honest-to-goodness setting up the hardware, OS, environment and software. I didn't cheat with a script either. Here's me figuring out one of them out loud, showing my work.

3. I write like a failed bestseller trash novelist:
   • here
   • here
   • And: included in a tech support incident report e-mail at Big Corporate Ex-Work that was sent to an Account Manager, Engineering Lead, Implementation Engineering Manager (my boss), a VP of Operations, but not the customer themselves.

     ... and we finally found that a setting in one of the initialization files was incorrect. It should have been set to "40000".

     Thus spake Sir Boss Man with the fury of ten thousand maelstroms that threaten to engulf and consume the entirety of the known universe in one terrible hellfire that elfens Satan's own.

     It was Reliant Energy that broke. Everyone is always on edge about REI. And, as usual, it was a stupid misconfiguration that we traced to an IP address coming from their internal LAN. I was probably the most well-known peon after that XD I had the excuse of being sleep-deprived though. I was carrying the pager for 24 hour support and it was 0330h.

4. I tell the dorkiest jokes.

5. I'm having trouble picking the dorkiest of dorky journal entries from all of these.

6. I'm a dork because refuse to tag anyone else. I'm a Proud Chain Breaker. =)

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		16°C
mood	:		hmm...

kaseido does Thankful Thursdays every week... well, most weeks (no pressure! =D). I think it's a great idea and one that I'd like to take part in at random throughout the year. We piss and moan that commercialization has rendered our holidays and special observances meaningless and yet, we still feed the industry, right on cue, every year. What's wrong with THAT picture?

Anyway, enough about everyone else. Let's talk about me.

I'm the kind of person who sees the glass as half empty. But I'm also the kind of person who's glad there's anything in the glass at all.

I'm thankful for a lot of things, but here's today's:

Last night, we went to bed way early... like 2100h. He has the flu and I was just that tired. It's dumb that this is the only way we can have some time together, but I'll take whatever I can get.

We were just laying in bed dozing and chatting. It was the most time we've had together at a stretch in months. Every time the conversation got serious and intense, one of us would say or do something completely unexpected and silly/stupid and make us both laugh. It's good and bad at the same time. Sometimes it seems some things never get concluded or resolved. But it's good because laughing is always good.

I'm very thankful for the relationship I have (and have had) with my Husband.

So many people have trouble finding love. And these are people who are far more accomplished, smarter, quicker on their feet, far better looking and... just plain all around far better than I. And they still can't find a decent match.

Research papers, news articles, expert analyses on successful relationships can say all they like about what makes love last. I read as many as I can because I don't know what the hell I'm doing either; I want to know what I'm doing right so that I can continue to do it; I want to know what I might be doing wrong so that I can correct it... in time. But I still find that the premises and conclusions only partially apply to us.

I'm not a good wife. Not by a long shot. I'm not easy to get along with at close range. I have a very difficult personality and I know that. With all my neuroses, faults and shortcomings, I'm very fortunate to even be a wife at all.

weather	:		sunny
outside	:		5.4°C
mood	:		tired

My journal has become By Request Only. *smirk* =} Today's request comes from: chenpion.

Some previous music posts.

• Friday Five - Music
• Friday Five - Songs
• Vocal Selections
• Wedding Music (recommendations and such)
• Classical and Opera

Okay, on with it then. =)

1. Total volume of music on my computer: 6G. I know. That's teeny. I mean, it'll all fit onto an iSnod Mini. And that 6G includes some duplicate and partial duplicate copies that were saved from me editing the files. It also includes plain text files with lyrics as well as a few minor music tweaking utilities. The big audio editors are over on my Apps drive.

2. The last CD I bought: Feng Shui by Daniel May. It's not Chinese music. It's music inspired by Chinese instruments and melodies, but it's very very very close. I got it from one of those relaxation music displays in gift shops, but these are also available online (Avalon Music or Island Flower out of Prince Edward Island).

3. 1. Song I was listening to just before I started this: I wasn't listening to anything, but recently, I've had Winamp randoming around the Love to Infinity compilation (Mandarin love songs from the 90s).

   2. Song playing right now (4.3M; right-click→Save Target As...):

      哭砂 (kū shā)

      歌手: 黃鶯鶯 (artist: Tracy Wong)
      詞: 林秋离 (lyricist)
      曲: 熊美玲 (composer)

      你是我最苦澀的等待
      讓我歡喜又害怕未來
      你最愛說你是一顆塵埃
      偶而會惡作劇的飄進我眼里
      宁愿我哭泣不讓我愛你
      你就真的像塵埃消失在風里

      你是我最痛苦的抉擇
      為何你從不放棄飄泊
      海對你是那么難分難舍
      你總是帶回滿口袋的砂給我
      難得來看我卻又离開我
      讓那手中瀉落的砂像淚水流

      風吹來的砂落在悲傷的眼里
      誰都看出我在等你
      風吹來的砂堆積在心理
      是誰也擦不去的痕跡

      風吹來的砂穿過所有的記憶
      誰都知道我在想你
      風吹來的砂冥冥在哭泣
      難道早就預言了分离

4. 5 songs I listen to a lot that mean a lot to me: Hmm... many different songs have meant a lot to me at different times. Some that come to mind:
   • 情義兩心堅 - 張德蘭 (Stella Chang). From the Return of the Condor Heroes.
   • Butterfly - Smile DK. From the Dance Dance Revolution 2nd Mix. I never played, but this song was especially cute.
   • When You Love Someone - Bryan Adams
   • The Inner Light Suite, Star Trek: TNG - Jerry Goldsmith.
   • Ohtorimasho ("Let's dance") and Yamerarenai ("Don't stop, Can't stop") both from Tenshi Muyo.     Way.     Too.     Much.     Fun.     =D Especially Yamerarenai, which sounds something like Cotton-Eye Joe in Japanese XD

   I can send these on request if anyone's interested. Also, if you can get me songs from the soundtrack to ATV's 少女慈僖 (The Young Dowager) starring Leanne Lau, I will establish a new religion in your name... Note that I didn't say I'd join it or convert to it XD =D

5. Which 5 people are you passing this baton to and why?

   There are people that I hope to hear from, but I don't want to name anyone... especially since I've been bad at updating myself =)

weather	:		clear
outside	:		2°C
mood	:		...

From this week's fridayfiver: Describe the last time you were frightened.

February 19, 1999

We had wrapped up a day's worth of filming. It was late and dark out. I had just insisted on driving Amy, the director, home. I didn't want her bussing and walking home alone.

I got home at around 2100h. I parked my car facing into the garage at my parents' house. I got out and picked up an armload of files and paper (filming props) from the back seat. The garage door was still open because I don't close it before I get out of the car.

The assailant must have been parked in a dark corner, down a little ways, waiting. But I didn't see a car or person anywhere in the alley as I was coming home.

I looked up and saw a person coming around the driver side of my car towards me with a serated blade knife — the kind with the teeth on the opposite side of the blade; the same one that was lodged in the guy's skull in an x-ray photo on Trauma: Life in the ER that aired sometime just that week.

He was holding it up like he was going to stab me with it.

I saw the knife, I saw his eyes wide open. I nearly froze, but somehow I managed to run. I can't remember the sequence of events exactly, but my papers went flying in his general direction, I ran around my car to get away from him and all the while, I was yelling "NO!" repeatedly, mixing in general yelling and shrieking really loudly.

The only thing on my mind was, "noise... make noise... louder..." By the time I ran to the front passenger side of my car, I was facing the alley again in time to see him take off westbound in the alley. I heard a vehicle start and leave.

A neighbour who had heard me, came out with a baseball bat. He asked if I was alright. I told him what happened, he walked around, didn't see anyone, so he came back and told me to call 911 (which I did right away). The police (3 of them) came to my house, got a description and all the info. They all said I did exactly the right thing by making lots of noise.

It was very surreal in the days and weeks following the incident. I began to think that I hallucinated it and it didn't really happen. Because after all, there I was, safe and unscathed. But my hand print on the hood of the dusty car would bring it all back.

What frightens me most is how I very nearly just stood there and did nothing.

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		9°C
mood	:		calm

fridayfiver - Moments Of

Pride:

When ( this little boy ) was accepted to Simon Fraser University, Applied Science/Engineering. That picture was taken yesterday. I swear.

He slept in his stroller for the first few weeks after he came home. He had one of these swinging cribs for about 6 months, then we put him in a StorkCraft regular crib.

Supposedly, I didn't drool very much, so my brother drooled enough for the both of us and then some. Super Duper Drooler Baby had a set of bibs with a different animal and the day of the week printed on them. We were on "Friday" by Monday afternoon. =D

Greediness:

Anytime I'm trying to wind my brain around my RRSP.

Lustfulness:

Last night. I really shouldn't be trying to talk about politics in a squidged up state.

Think of your work there as being a Democratic Missionary.

Teach them a new sex position and call it The Democratic. It doesn't much matter which one. We don't all have to agree on which it would be. Hell, you're not even limited to one. Just pick up the Kama Sutra and do your worst. =D

Envy:

... is when A Certain Girl Pal gets the photo op of a lifetime rockin' out with Wil Wheaton.     @_@     ^_^

Anger:

( Not that I think it'll make an ounce of difference, but I did it anyway. )

What can I say? I was too pissed to sit and stew. At least I didn't add "you fucking loonfrog"* after every sentence.

* bokane is the source of so many great expressions. =)

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		15°C
mood	:		amused

Name a CD you own that no one else on your friends list does:

Any of my Ben Heppner CDs. This, that (personalized and autographed) or the other.

Name a book you own that no one else on your friends list does:

The Discourses and Sayings of Confucius
Published by The Overseas Affairs Commission
No. 5, Hsu-Chow Road,
Taipei, Taiwan
Republic of China
ISBN: 801100074-8

It has both the original Chinese text printed in the traditional right-to-left format (with the ZhuYin ruby text) along with an interpretation text in Chinese and the English in left-to-right on the reverse. It's a dry read, but a very good translation according to my Dad. I use it as a reference.

Name a movie you own on DVD/VHS/whatever that no one else on your friends list has:

The Hello Kitty Diamond DVD Collection.

Name a place that you have visited that no one else on your friends list has:

I was about to say that I don't think I've been anywhere that no one else has been... none of you have EVER been to Las Vegas or San Francisco or Disney World in Orlando. Nah...

Has anyone been to Shun-De, China (near Guangzhou)? That's my hometown.

[Update — 1845h]

Okay, it's official then. There is nowhere on this planet that I have been that no one else hasn't been. =)

[Update — 2215h]

Gah, you PEOPLE. Okay, so sunnedaae has Ben Heppner CDs. Alright, alright. If any of you have Nancie Foreman's debut album, "Your Love Comes Naturally", I'm going to die. =D

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		15°C
mood	:		playful

Concept asks: How do you dress for work?

That was all the excuse I needed to hop over to the Candybar Doll Maker last night and play. =) They don't have exactly the things I have, but I just grabbed some similar stuff. Some of them, I have a few in different colours, different styles.

We don't have a dress code at Work other than what's legally required for safety and decency. It's a small software dev house and the non-geek staff are Admin. We have no Marketing/Sales staff. So, when the suits and ties come out, you know there's a client on site =D

Most days, I'm on the neat & tidy side of casual. I have all kinds of mix'n'match stuff: button down shirts, casual-but-nice long sleeved and short sleeved shirts. I have several pairs of Black Pants™, khaki, dark blue and dark burgundy pants that I'll switch around with. ( +8 )

About a third of the time, regardless of the day of the week, I throw some random comfy thing on with jeans. ( +5 )

The far right pic: I had Skippy with me at Work once, just after she came home from the breeder's. =)

I have been to work in frumpies and fuzzy grey pants (second from the right) but it's rare. No, I don't go barefoot. =) Candybar just didn't have a pair of sneakers that looked right. I'm barefoot at home in frumpies though.

I have co-workers who never wear anything but sweats, t-shirts, frayed jeans and the like. And if Mother-in-Law didn't keep buying me nice clothes from Taiwan that really should be worn with nicer pants, I'd be in nothing but frumpies too. =)

Side note: Husband Guy's Aunt #3 is now afraid to buy me clothes anymore. =\ XD

Every once in a while, I'll wear something dressier. Usually because I haven't done laundry and have nothing else to wear. ( +3 )

I wear non-descript black heels with everything, but I take them off and trot around the office in a pair of Work slippers that look something like this except more comfortable and better for my back than the wooden sole. The last year and a half, I've had a pair of black closed-toe wedge-heeled mules. Recently, I found a pair of black 3" boots and I reallyreally liked the shape of the foot, so I got them anyway on the theory that my pants will cover the ankles. I was so desperate for black shoes that almost bought a pair of black boots emblazoned with huge "HARLEY DAVIDSON" badging in brushed metal on the outside ankles because they had a very dainty and cute foot =}

Hair. I had this J. K. Rowling cut back in December 2002 and had it trimmed a little once in 2003. It's now mid-back length.

weather	:		mostly sunny
outside	:		17°C
mood	:		...

There are recurring memes going around LJ. And one of the recurring directives seems to be: "Tell something about yourself that others may not have known."

Mine — I nearly failed English every year from Grade 9 to 11. And I'm not talking about my standard of "fail" which was "below 90%". I'm talking about the standard school failing grade of 50%.

They kept assigning me to the same teacher. Stupid me, didn't ask to transfer and, not knowing the language, my parents were completely helpless in the situation as well.

One year, I passed by special permission from the English Department Head (either Jim S. or Bryant K. at the time, it was confusing as to who exactly was the Head). I spoke to Bryant K. He basically had to review all my essays, assignments and tests. I remember being so relieved when he said he was confused as to why I was failed and that he would have graded me much higher than that.

Spelling and grammar were never a problem. To me, spelling tests were a question of how many tests I can score perfect in a row. And I've inherited my Dad's GrammarWhore-ness, except for English instead of Chinese.

I actually did every single assignment. I handed them in, on time, every time. I even went to her several times before to due date to show her what I had to make sure I was on track. And she would always say I was "on track". And yet, I always straddled the 50% passing mark.

I know English is fairly subjective. I know that "trying hard" doesn't necessarily equate to "doing well". Although, at a highschool level, the material isn't difficult so "trying hard" and "doing well" should go hand-in-hand. I know I didn't do as well as I did in say, Math or Physics. But if you have a second opinion and that second opinion says you should have gotten a much higher mark, then you have to wonder what the hell is going on.

Most of the kids that he had to review were the juvenile delinquents in the making who don't hand in their assignments or really do a craptacular job when they do. So, yeah, I was the biggest confusion of his life. Here's a kid who tried hard, wrote decent stuff, neatly, in full sentences, etc. But, he said he couldn't give me a grade that was too high because that would have raised all kinds of red flags about Margaret K. and they didn't want to have to re-grade all of her students. I passed with a low C instead of failing with a D. At that point, I was thrilled to pass at all.

I took a remedial English class that summer because it was recommended for students who failed or barely passed. I had never done so well in English in my life. In summer school, they only give you a "Pass" or a "Fail" grade. But I kept track of the score on all my assignments, quizzes and tests. By my calculations, I had a 97.3% average which was even a Pass by my standards.

Everyone and their dog was asking me just what the hell I was doing there. The program director. The teacher. And the big grunge/goth girl with thick eyeliner and black lipstick who was easily double my size in every dimension. Tara was cool, though. =)

weather	:		sunny
outside	:		15°C
mood	:		okay

1. Are you a saver or spender when it comes to money?

Saver mentality; spender by necessity. *sigh*

2. What are your financial goals?

To always have exact change.

It's a very simple and modest goal, but to actually manage properly is insanely difficult. =)

3. Do you consider going to the movies and having a vacation every year a necessity or a luxury?

Luxury.

We don't pay for movies. We use the free double-pass-plus-popcorn-and-drinks from my VISA reward points. And Work gives me free stuff once in a while from their hillion-jillion company credit card reward points.

We're not really the travelling types. My parents didn't go anywhere for over 20 years. Our first "family vacation" was a 4-day Canadian Rockies Tour when I was 21.

4. Who is going to be responsible for making sure that bills are paid on time?

The process goes:

• all the bills are in his name with me as a secondary contact
• I pay the bills online out of the joint account
• I put it on his desk
• when there's a big enough pile on the desk, he will take it all and calculate how much the Brother-in-Law Dude owes us
• then all the paid and squared away bills get filed

That's with ours and Mother-In-Law's stuff. She pays us back all at once when she gets back into town. We don't really have to worry about them being paid on time because I log in and fire off the payment online right away. If I waited any longer than that, we'd have no ceiling left.

We pay our own personal cell phone and credit card bills.

5. How do you decide as a couple how much and what to spend your money on?

Do we need it? If we do, then we pay for it. Skippy needed the ER overnight care. Sid needed to be hospitalized for a week. We needed to fix that tile that the stupid raccoon tugged off our roof.

But if we don't really need it, then the question is, did we plan for this and put away extra for it? Do we have enough for it? Do we both want it? We'd been together for almost a decade before we actually merged finances, so we handle most of it like roommates. It works.

Bonus Question: How much money from your family finances should you or your partner be able to spend without the other's permission? How did you arrive at this?

None. Neither of us spends anything out of the joint account without telling the other. And this wasn't a rule that resulted from a bad incident, we naturally fell into this behaviour from the beginning. It just made sense to us. Person A will pay for things with A's own money first and then Person B will reimburse half if it's a larger amount or pay for something else to even it out if it's a smaller amount. And if B doesn't want to share it, then that's just A's tough beans. A is stuck paying for all of it. We either ask first or be prepared to foot the whole cost.

We'll mention significant spending out of our individual accounts to each other as well. Not because of any disclosure requirement in the marriage, but out of concern for each other. It helps us both guard against emotional, impulsive spending. Maybe there's another way to do things or there might be a cheaper alternative. For example, wedding expenses were best run by the both of us. It's a well-known fact that the wedding industry will play on a bride's emotional state and make her feel like her marriage depends on spending ten times as much for something. And there was an instance of what amounted to extortion from one of his family members. He didn't think much of paying that fabricated fee because it was his family. I, however, shat a donkey.

weather	:		partially sunny
outside	:		16°C
mood	:		happy

1. Introduce your fiancé to me. How would you describe him/her? How would he/she describe you?

The Husband is a Senior Software Developer at a small dev house here in Vancouver. If you know the hi-tech industry, especially software games, you'll know that he works all kinds of insane hours... as evidenced by the fact that he hasn't had a haircut in a loooong time so right now, he's kinda looking like a flower.

He must be pretty frustrated with me. What, with me imposing Vegetarian Weeks on his carnivorous self and not understanding why that person who has a VTech sticker on his Dodge is an idiot. And calling his favorite group Run-D.M.C., "Run DDC" or "Run CMD... dot E-X-E" is *twitter* NOT FUNNY *guffaw* AT ALL. And I think if I say, "Who's George Michael?" ONE MORE TIME while his song is playing on the radio, he's going to file for an annulment.

2. What are some things about which you don't seem to be able to communicate?

That onions are not evil. There's no talking about this in our house.

3. Why are you getting married? In the light of what is happening to marriages today, why will yours be different?

Our relationship is based on laughter. We'll make fun of everything together, each other, other people. We don't care if we're being laughed at or laughed with, so long as we're laughing.

4. What do you, as a couple, want out of life?

I thought I knew the answer to this, but I don't anymore. The only two things I can think of are:

1. We want to have each other in our lives and get through whatever happens to us, good or bad, together.

2. Financial independence.

Anything beyond that has changed a lot, even just in the last few years.

5. How are you dividing up the household chores? Is it working the way you envisioned?

I envisioned things being shared evenly between us. It's not shared evenly, but the reality is, it can't be. He works late most weekdays, so how fair is it to ask him to do exactly half of the housework? It's things like that that sometimes make it impossible to split responsibilities into equal portions or prorate things.

In our house, it's whoever sees the chore that needs doing either does it or takes turns with someone else doing it. We just ask someone else to do it if we think it's their turn. You'd think that this would lead to never ending fights about who should be doing what, but it actually works for us.

The birds' cages get cleaned regularly. The garbage gets taken out on time. The refrigerator gets cleared out by whoever smells it first. Dishes get done... eventually. Dinner happens... usually. The lawn gets mowed... sometimes. Vacuuming, dusting happens. Laundry... well, if you don't have anything left to wear, that's a clue. Lightbulbs get changed when someone actually needs to see or gets tired of that dim, "romantic" look throughout the house.

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		18°C
mood	:		amused

FridayQ for Friday, September 3, 2004.

FQ2: What's something that others find funny, but you don't?

The Simpsons. Husband Guy used to think I didn't understand the jokes, but I do and I can explain why they're supposed to be funny. And I know they're Equal Opportunity Offenders, but I'm not even offended at anything. I'm just bored. I don't find it funny or clever or silly. It's just garbage to me.

Then, the Husband said maybe it was just too lowbrow for me, but I am very capable of laughing at other lowbrow, base humour, stupid people and stupid things, so it's not that either... *splutter* "Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?" XD

What's odd is, I find Futurama funnier. It's more or less the same stuff, different pile and done by mostly the same writers... so, I'm not sure why The Simpsons is so blah to me.

FQ3: What actor/comedian/personality always makes you laugh? What movie? What book?

• My Husband. At the drop of a hat. Always.
• FoxTrot. What Bill Amend said to pne was true, there will be times when I don't find the strip funny. It's been sputtering as of late, but it hasn't gone completely downhill.
• Dave Barry
• Woody Allen
• Rowan Atkinson
• Whose Line Is It Anyway? Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, Wayne Brady, Kathy Greenwood, Greg Proops, Clive Anderson and Drew Carey.

  Four words: a foal being born. O. M. G.

weather	:		torrential downpour
outside	:		17°C
mood	:		*ding!*

Oh, in reference to this post, I just remembered something that I think tastes truly foul.

Let's establish a baseline: I don't think dang-gui (當歸, angelica root) is that bad, even mixed with 15 other tree barks, roots, and other spiky, branchy and leafy stuff that simmers into a thick brown sludge. It's a strong and very distinctive taste, but not altogether unbearable, to me.

I like jellyfish, duck tongue, pig's blood, tripe, and other miscellaneous animal innards (motto: 背朝天; "anything with its back facing the sky"). I'm also one of those strange people who like cod liver oil. I let the pellets soften in my mouth and bite them open on purpose.

Anyway.

A long time ago, after surgery, I was prescribed docusate sodium, for extra ... help. If I needed it. They looked like cod liver oil pellets, except instead of Aqua yellow, they were Aqua red. So, I proceeded to squish it open.

...

Now THAT.

Is Teh KING of Foulness Supreme.

It's horrendously bitter, but it's a "biting" type of bitter, much worse than angelica root. I don't think it really burns, but it feels like it does.

You know how wasabe will fume through your face and head for a few seconds? Docusate sodium does something similar, but for a much longer time... at least five whole minutes. And the aftertaste lingers for hours. And then for the whole day, every time I burped, I was reminded of what a dreadful mistake I made.

weather	:		mostly cloudy
outside	:		23°C
mood	:		chatty

2. What's the most disgusting thing that you have ever eaten or even just put in your mouth? — #2, Aug.15.2004, Monday Madness

Well, I don't think it's disgusting at all, but most other people do. I have a fairly Yin constitution. I get cold easily and my organs used to be generally weak. I used to be given Cordyceps (冬蟲草) fairly regularly when I was young. It's usually prepared in chicken broth or with lean pork among other things.

This speaks to the care and love my parents showed me. If you know anything about cordyceps at all, you'll know that they are hideously expensive. $50 for a little cube of it from Chinatown and that was a medium quality.

The "disgusting" part is that these things are live worms that attach themselves to a blade of grass. They develop a fungal parasite and as they "die", they merge with the plant. When they are harvested, they still look like worms, but they have become the plant. I'm not missing any words there: they have become the plant. =)

There's one for the vegetarians to wrap their heads around. =D

To the protest of my parents, I made some for a group of friends once for a Hallowe'en party. Only the most adventurous tried it. Some couldn't even look at them =)

weather	:		mostly cloudy
outside	:		23°C
mood	:		waiting on my scripts

What leads you to write at your place? What strikes your fancy and leads you to your keyboard to share it with the blogosphere? — #2, Aug.19.2004, The Thursday Threesome on the Back Porch

One cohesive topic that's over 100 words long.

That's my general rule of thumb. I have a few posts that are less than 100 words. And I also have some big huge monstrous ones that I've saved in my private scrap journal that I don't want to post. If my fingers are going 90 miles an hour, but I'm still saying nothing, I shouldn't be posting that. But I still want to write it down because sometimes, there will be a section or paragraph that I can pick out, polish off and package into something I can put here.

I like my journal entries to neatly fit into no more than 2 or 3 keyword categories and it has to be a true amalgamation, not just disjoint topics that just so happen to be in the same post (how my husband fixed the sink and a commentary on an aria that has nothing to do with him).

I look for fun things to write about, things that amuse me and interest me. For things that I just want to archive, I backdate them so they won't clutter up everyone's Friends View. Incidentally, that would be like a "Strangers Only" filter =)

I generally don't like ranting or posting angry stuff anymore. Some people write to get things out of their system, it's cathartic for them. But for me, it just makes me remember the anger and hurt all that much more clearly, for a much longer time. And the truth is, very few things upset me anymore. When you've had a really bad situation in your life resolved or at least in a state where you can move on, you realize that none of the little shit really matters. When you've scaled a mountain, you see that you can just step over the rocks.

I like looking for good writing prompts. I follow a lot of them, I read memes and surveys for good questions and I Google for it from time to time to see if someone has a new one. I don't always want to do them, but once in a while there will be a question or two that stick out.

1. Some of the best questions I have ever seen are in dailysoulsearch. But, sadly, that seems to have been a temporary project that has now ended. The questions are still up though. I'd thought about writing to them asking about Project 1 and 2 and see if there's a Project 4 or something... but you know how the Round Tuit market is these days.
2. Monday Madness
3. Tuesday is Chooseday
4. Tuesday Twosome
5. Wednesday Whatevers
6. Thursday Threesome
7. 1. fridayfiver by wait
   2. thefridayfive by leanasidhe
8. The Daily Meme — a huge collection of dailies, every days and tons of writing prompts.

weather	:		partly cloudy
outside	:		26°C
mood	:		happy

( Bedding Survey )

I'm fairly certain our current bed is about 10 years old or older. Husband Guy got it shortly after we started going steady. But he seems to think it's much newer than that. Lately, I've noticed that I wake up with a sore mid/lower back every morning. This would go away when I got up. That used to only happen on weekends if I slept until noon. =P So, we tried flipping the mattress over. It helped a little, but I still woke up with a sore back that would disappear.

That, and it's gotten ... very ... squeaky ... *cough*

Friday evening, we stopped by Sleep Country on the way home because they're having their Mix'n'Match sale.

By about this time next week, we'll be sleeping on a Queen Serta Perfect Sleeper (Saxon) and the Husband's feet will no longer be sticking out the end of the bed.

We got their Comfort Accessories Package as well — a 200 thread count Taupe sheet set, mattress cover and two pillows. The sheets are in the laundry now.

The Perfect Sleeper is a pillow top mattress with memory foam, but it's not reversible. You can't flip it over and it's made to be sturdier on the one side so that you don't have to. We were told to rotate it every once in a while for more even compression because Husband Guy is a lot bigger and heavier than I am.

But because it doesn't have the pillow top on both sides, it reduces the mattress movement by a LOT when one of us tosses around. It was very noticeably steadier to me because Husband Guy shuffles the bed much more when he moves.

There was another Serta that had a much lower density foam and it felt quite a lot nicer when we were laying there in the store. But the pillow top was on both sides for flipping and it was not nearly as steady as the Serta.

I used to have a Simmons Beautyrest before I moved in with my husband and I found the "individual pocket coils" thing to be completely bullshit. The bowling ball test and the person jumping are staged somehow. A five year old baby brother jumping up and down on my bed on Saturday mornings proves (to ME at least, YMMV) that it is not motionless at all. And if you think about it, the fabric encasing will tug on the coils anyway even if they're capable of moving individually.

weather	:		partially sunny
outside	:		18°C
mood	:		pensive

3. Which is more important: financial success or personal happiness? — fridayfiver

I'm going to go against the grain here and say Financial Success* is more important than Personal Happiness, at this point in my life. What can I say? This question caught me at time when I'm willing to sacrifice personal happiness to build wealth. Ask me again in 30 years and the answer might be different =)

It's a matter of 先苦後甜; "bitter first; sweet later".

In the grand scheme of things, choosing one over the other is not really the point. It's more important to not let either of them take a disproportional precedence over the other. Ideally, over the long term you'd want both to increase in tandem, but there will be times when one of them needs to be sacrificed for the sake of the other.

Financial success without personal happiness is miserable. People I trust tell me it's true, but I've never known this kind of misery. I'd always thought that if money weren't a concern, I would damned well find it in myself to be happy.

Personal happiness without some degree of financial success/independence is not possible for me. It may work for others, but not me. I'd go stark raving bananas before long if I weren't financially independent or at least on my way towards it. In that way, my happiness is tied to my financial success.

* I define "financial success" as financial independence which is to be self-sufficient in being able to meet basic needs: clothing, shelter, food, health, even though those needs can be met without the exchange of funds. For me, it has very little to do with the actual numbers in anyone's bank account or cashflow. However someone else decides is best for them to meet their basic needs, and beyond, is not really for me to judge.

weather	:		mostly sunny
outside	:		21°C
mood	:		amused

This post has been brewing for a while =)

From time to time, I'll be accused of having a low self-esteem. I see a pattern in the worldviews of the people who say that though, so I'm not too worried... and that would be the nicest way I can possibly think of, to call them "cocky bastards" =D

I'm so kidding, of course =D =D In each case, they're my friends, I love them to bits, they mean well, but I don't think they quite understand me. =D

If I really lacked confidence that badly, I wouldn't be where I am today. Would I have been able to waltz into the department head's office and, in the middle of University cutbacks and layoffs, convince him to hire me for a job that he didn't know he needed? Would I be married to A Guy who has loved me unconditionally for most of my life, loves to entertain me, thinks of me first, respects what I have to say and even looks up to me in some ways?

I have a very realistic view of myself and my abilities. Being an INTJ, I know what I know, I know where I am compared to everyone else and, more importantly, I try to be competent enough to know what I don't know and what I'm not. I think the misinterpretation comes in because I'm more open about telling people where exactly where my boundaries are or where I make a guess at the point that my competence ends.

Modesty is a recurring theme in Chinese philosophy. Know thyself, as the Greeks put it.

Of course, everyone has a lack of confidence in different aspects of their lives and in varying degrees. But true low self-esteem repels others. Either you wouldn't want to be around the person for very long or you would never have found them in the first place. The ones you wouldn't want to be around are sometimes very belligerent and cantankerous (usually trolls in a forum where negative attention is better than no attention); sometimes whiny, pathetic, clingy, needy. The ones you wouldn't have known about are hiding from social interaction.

I'm not kidding anyone here, I'm not Ms. Popularity. But strangers find me and glom onto my journal. These are well-educated, intelligent, articulate strangers and decent people with their hearts generally in the right place. There are a few exceptions ("serial adders" and other annoying folk), but they're few and far between and I won't deign to acknowledge them.

The point is, these strangers wouldn't have stuck around if I were that pathetic. =)

weather	:		bright cloudy
outside	:		17°C
mood	:		workie

On the inauguration of fridayfiver:

1. Describe one thought currently on your mind:

If 0% probability maps to a '0' rating and 1% through 100% is normalized over '1' to '9', then your algorithm should be: $SCL = 1 + ceiling(trunc($PROB)/11.11) and not "12.5" like your original code says.

Also, you should check for a percentage outside of the 0%-100% range (ie. -23%, 398369% and "blah%"). I'm thinking the alphanumeric will get converted to 0% anyway because the string to number conversion will fail, leaving you with '0', but please make sure. Thanks.

Okay, that's two thoughts. But I'm in the midst of talking to my Dev Guy. I haven't even run anything to test yet. This is just from code inspection. It's so easy to forget that when you're converting from cardinality to dimensionality, it's (y-x+1). I'm a bit worried about the alphanumeric though. Depending on the default return value on failure and not doing something specifically is dangerous.

My answers to all the other questions are boring. =P

weather	:		slightly drizzling
outside	:		10°C
mood	:		calm

This post is my very not-so-subtle-anymore congratulations to a friend on getting a new job and a half. =)

Urban legend has it that one of the midterm exam questions for some Business Ed. class, somewhere, was "What is the janitor's name?" The students were furious of course, but the question was supposed to underscore the importance of valuing support staff and the people who do their jobs so that you may do yours.

I heard that story long ago and took the message to heart. You don't need to know their life story, just know their names, maybe a little about them, wish them a happy holiday or weekend once in a while or just say hello.

Conversely, they don't need to know your life story either. But for all the times that you forget your keys/passes, lock yourself out, need to borrow duct tape, something blocking your path or you otherwise need a small favour, they may be there for you.

People just want to be treated like a human being and part of that means being recognized by name.

I want everyone to go and find out the name of the janitor/custodian at the place where you work, where you go to school or a building on campus you have classes in. If you're self-employed or don't have a janitor, then just pick a public employee that you see nearly regularly that you don't know — building security guard, bus driver, toll booth person, etc.

Poll #281761
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

What is your janitor's name?

My custodian is Raoul, he's Russian. Every second evening, the floor under my desk is deliberately vacuumed. Some co-workers have noticed, and mentioned to me, that theirs don't always get done.

Raoul always vacuums my floor. I am apparently one of the few who know his name, which surprises me because it's a small company. I thank him every time he comes around to take the garbage from my receptacle. I say hello when I see him working in the hallway and I joked with him about mistakenly getting hand lotion instead of hand soap for the washrooms.

But here's the kicker: I GET UP and move my chair out of the way for him when he comes by with the vacuum cleaner. It's as simple as that.

Other folks: Andy (Building Manager), Dustin (Plant Maintenance)

=)

[Update - 1236h]

All y'all would do SO WELL in Business School! Okay, maybe not, but I'm just proud to show off that I know the plural of "y'all" =D

Yes! Any maintenance or public service staff you see on a regular basis counts =)

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		9°C
mood	:		happy

Because I'll never grow tired of prattling on and on about my wedding. =)

Camm, I have all my Wedding posts categorized in my Memories section. There is much that you do not explicitly ask about, for example, the Chinese Wedding Tea Ceremony, the Bridal Pastries and the symbolism of the Chinese banquet food. There is a lot of symbolism and reasons behind why the Chinese do things the way we do.

If there's anything you would like me to explain further, I can give you an earful ... I absolutely welcome the conversation. =)

( Basic Information )

( Setting )

( Vows )

( Clothing )

( Music )

---

Links to my wedding things:

• my wedding day
• my Canadian Wedding introduction post
• my wedding planning — everything under the "Wedding: *" categories

Good luck with your project! =)

weather	:		bright cloudy
outside	:		17°C
mood	:		hmm...

I don't think I've posted this yet, but I'll start with this list and keep adding to this when I see different events that I don't have.

( Where was I when... ? )

weather	:		drizzling
outside	:		8°C
mood	:		content

From a long chain of folks that roughly begins with twistperception (I find it a bit amusing/ironic that his music for the post is listed as "She Fucking Hates Me" =):

Do you talk to each other during the day while one or both of you is at work? Is that talk ever just for the heck of it, or is it about kids, bills, plans for the night...

We're usually busy at work, so if we talk it's usually to iron out logistics. Sometimes by phone, usually by IM. But there have been times when he's been so frustrated that he stormed out of the office and immediately called me from his cell just wanting to hear my voice. =)

Do married people still make out on the couch, etc? When kisses are exchanged, are they usually just kisses hello or goodbye, goodnight?

Yes, we make out on our couches. Usually when no one else is home. No, they're not just perfunctory kisses. They're also not just kisses either. *smirk*

When you leave to go somewhere, do you tell the other person before you go? Would you pissed off if he/she didn't tell you?

We almost always tell each other where we're going. About the only time he doesn't tell me first is if I'm asleep because he knows that if I wake up, I won't be able to fall asleep again. He'll usually mention where he's been after he gets back. And I do the same, except I just have a neurotic inhibition of waking people up.

I wouldn't be pissed off if he didn't tell me, but I would wonder why and I'd ask when he got back — maybe it was an emergency and he was in a hurry... And if he's evasive, that's just as good as telling me because he's only evasive about one very particular thing.

Do you eat any of your meals together?

We only have lunch separately now. Or if he's working really late and tells me to have dinner first.

Do you go to sleep at the same time?

Most of the time. Unless one of us is super tired.

Do you wake up together at the same time?

He wakes up first and then wakes me up. Or on the weekend, sometimes he'll get up first. He's a morning person and I'm not. He's SO a morning person and I'm SO not. I also have trouble falling asleep at night, so he lets me sleep if at all possible.

If you're a husband, do you still have friends who are girls? If you're a wife do you still have friends who are guys? (that are all "your" friends, not "our" friend). Does it bother your spouse? Does your spouse even know them or about them?

Neither of us have really close friends of the opposite sex. I used to, being one of a few females in Computer Science, but not really anymore. I don't think he's ever thought much of it, that most of my friends were guys. He said, and I quote, "Well, you're around guys all the time. Of course, there's going to be friendships there."

The times I've been talking to guys more than usual (the ones who are clearly not androgenous, I mean), I have asked him a number of times in earnest, "do you mind me talking to him?" and he says, "no" with no hesitation. I still watch him for unspoken things, but nothing makes me think it bothers him.

Do you still do things on the weekends or nights off with friends without your spouse? If you don't, do you ever wish you did?

Not really. I don't see him very much as it is. I'd rather be with him as much as possible. And money is tight for us right now, so I don't want to be wasting it away on entertainment and other stuff I don't need.

We do things without each other though. Every once in a while, we'll have some kind of Work social thing that the other is not invited to. If we need to run errands and the other doesn't have to tag along, we'll go alone.

I volunteer every Friday evening. That doesn't really make a difference, I'm usually done before he's ready to go home anyway. And if he's done, I'm sure he can fire up Quake, Unreal or some other kind of network game with co-workers. =) We've gone on extended trips out of the country without each other before, so it's not like we've never done anything separately.

weather	:		partially sunny
outside	:		13°C
mood	:		intrigued

If I am just "The Bride" to you, then you are a member of the general public and a guest in my journal. Welcome =)

If you call me "新娘子", you're a friend of my husband's family who can't remember my real name to save your life. =D

If I am "Mrs. Lin" to you, then you are either a vendor or a friend who has invited me to his/her wedding.

If I am "Mrs. Hayashi", then you are most likely Japanese and found me on Orkut. =)

If I am "林玉蘋" (Lin YüPing) to you, then you know me from Orkut or you read my Chinese journal.

If you're confused as to why my initials are "J. L.", then you are a pre-LJ friend that I haven't explained it to. In which case, e-mail me and I'll explain =)

If you call me "Married Bum #2", you are my husband's Best Man. In which case, "Married Bum #1" says he's burning your CDs right now.

If you call me "大師姐", then WOW, 好久不見! E-mail me 90 SECONDS AGO!!! =D These would be the kids at the Guangdong University of Engineering where my father is alumni. We went back for the school's 40th Anniversary and I became a minor celebrity there, being a fellow Geek who could speak both English and Cantonese. They had me read one of the lessons aloud in the senior year Technical English class.

If you call me "舅媽" or "嬸嬸", you are one of my husband's cousins' children.

If you call me "婆婆", you are my little Granddaughter =)

If you call me "老大的太太", you are my husband's Grandfather and can never remember my name nowadays *sigh* =\

If you call me "嘉嘉", you are my parents or extended family on my side.

If you keep calling me by my brother's name and my brother by my name, you're my Mom.

If you call me "Hey" or just holler in my general direction, then you are Husband Guy.

weather	:		sunny
outside	:		11°C
mood	:		okay

Here's another interesting topic I found while FriendsFriends'ing: What's on your key chain?. I have several key sets.

Main:

• house key
• parent's house key
• car key (engine-immobilizer thing-a-ma-doodie)
• car remote
• 4-prong steering wheel lock key (it's the one that looks like a screwdriver and there are teeth on all four sides).
• a teeny-tiny key that used to be for something, but I've forgotten what, so now it's a charm and it also has a jingle bell on it.

Parking:

• security pass fob
• door key (for that one stupid door that is not connected to a security reader)

I can't put this on my main key ring because I need to be able to take it off easily to hold it up to the security reader to open the gate. But my car key needs to stay in the ignition. I've been meaning to buy another contraption from the Dollar Store that would make hooking and unhooking it easier. But I've gotten used to carrying it around separately, so I don't think I'll ever bother.

Work:

• deadbolt key
• security pass fob
• R2D2 key (my little drawer/filing cabinet thing)
• ...and the work set is on a retractable cord clip (I have the Tux one) that's attached to my waistband because I'll forget and/or lose them otherwise.

I don't put my work keys on my main key ring for security reasons. Plus, while I'm at work, I don't need my home/car keys anyway. I also have keys that I don't regularly bring around with me.

freedom = f(keys)

Someone once told me that the number of keys a person has is indirectly proportional to their personal freedom. IOW, the more keys you have, the more responsibility you have and therefore the less free you are.

I disagreed with him. It's one of those "is the glass half full or half empty?" things. Incidentally, I say "Neither. The glass is at half capacity." It depends on how you view it. Yes, a child has no keys and lives a relatively free existence (apparently, every child except me). But a prison inmate also has no keys... or you'd HOPE they don't have any of the important keys. =P

Having home keys mean I have a home to go to. I'd rather not have to worry about where I'm going to sleep at night and basic survival issues.

Sure, Work keys mean I have to work. But the pay that comes from work gives me the freedom to do all kinds of things that I couldn't without the money.

When I was an undergrad, I had a part time job with one of the profs in the CS Department. This required that I have the building security pass and a key to an office. When everyone was fighting for a machine in the undergrad dungeon lab near assignment deadline time, I would always have my own personal machine available in my own, quiet, undisturbed, third-floor office, facing north towards the beautiful downtown Vancouver skyline.

I've had at least one set of car keys for as long as I can remember. Car equals freedom; I don't care what people say about parking, traffic and maintenance. It takes me ten times longer to get anywhere on public transit, depending on where I want to go.

For me the keys-to-freedom relationship has always been logarithmic.

weather	:		partially sunny
outside	:		13°C
mood	:		okay

From some FOAF whose username has fallen off my brain and run away:

For the following actors, list your favorite movie that s/he was in.

1. Sigourney Weaver - Dave (1993)
2. Robin Williams - Birdcage (1996)
3. Clint Eastwood - I sat down just in time to see him do "Go ahead... make my day..." and then I promptly fell asleep.
4. Mel Gibson - Gallipoli (1981)
5. Paul Newman - ? ... I didn't even see "Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid". I had a neighbour named "Ken Newman" who kept claiming to be Paul Newman's brother, does that count?
6. Brad Pitt - 12 Monkeys (1995)
7. Steve McQueen - ?
8. Audrey Hepburn - My Fair Lady (1964)
9. James Stewart - It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
10. Samuel L. Jackson - Pulp Fiction (1994)
11. Cary Grant - Arsenic and Old Lace (1944) ... "CHYAAAAAAARGE!!!" XD =D
12. Ewan McGregor - The Phantom Menace (1999)
13. Sean Connery - First Knight (1995) & The Rock (1996) ... I couldn't decide! First Knight for the squidge factor; The Rock for the amazing guy factor.
14. Anthony Hopkins - Titus (1999)
15. Jack Nicholson - Batman (1989)
16. Harrison Ford - Sabrina (1995) I was starting to get pissed off because Red Corner wasn't in his list of credits and I liked that one best, which prompted </a></b></a> to say, "That's Richard Gere. Do you have a problem in the head?" =D =D =D
17. Kevin Spacey - A Bug's Life (1998)
18. Tom Hanks - Toy Story (1995)
19. Robert DeNiro - Showtime (2002)
20. Al Pacino - Scarface (1983)

[All My Movies]

weather	:		light showers
outside	:		10°C
mood	:		contemplative

An interesting question that someone posted at random to asam:

Do you think you could ever marry a native from your ancestral country?

Almost all the comment responses to that thread say they cannot.

I actually think I could. I might be being naïve here, I don't know. I think I could even marry someone from the Mainland, assuming the right personality. Though it would very much depend on how the family reacts to me. You're not just marrying the man, you're marrying the family.

I think I'd be more comfortable with a family that's already friends with my parents because they tend to be the more anti-bullshit crowd. My Dad's female ex-coworkers and friends in China are all Engineers and Technicians. They all love me to death. =) Dad told me later about a few "approaches" on and off throughout the years, but Mom and Dad don't believe in arranged marriages and that sort of thing. They were content to see what I did with my own life first.

I think if I hadn't found my Husband at such a young age, I would have ended up with a son of one of their friends. So, to find an ally in a Mother-in-Law among my Dad's friends wouldn't be a problem. And, really, for a girl, it's the Mother-in-Law that's important. =D

The In-Laws would more than likely want him to live in North America with me instead of us living in China. So, it would be on my territory (ie. my terms) and it lessens the likelihood of them living with us, at least for the first little while before they would want to immigrate.

Mainlanders are mostly agnostic or they're very mildly Chinese Buddhist which would go well with my beliefs.

They also wouldn't expect me to change my last name. Mainland Chinese women keep their surnames when they marry. That would be one less thorn in everybody's side. =)

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		7°C
mood	:		bleh

My comment in serennig's journal that I'll bonsai here:

So, yes, I tried the Match.com Physical Attraction test. Neither heads nor tails be, on that one. I don't have the visual squidge hormones.

I don't care about people's faces and I can't even really distinguish them until I've talked to someone for a while. People tend to become more attractive to me after I know them better. This was exactly the case with my Husband and countless others. In my IRC days, a lot of us traded pics when we first met. I kept a lot of the pics and when I looked back at them after a long stretch of time, without fail, the ones I talked to regularly jumped out at me*.

I have trouble recognizing celebrities in person exactly for that reason. I used to be a huge David Duchovny fan and I still didn't see him walk right past me.

And the Match.com folks also morphed and doctored a lot of those images which made it impossible. At one point, it was obvious they wanted me to pick between glasses vs. no glasses. "Gah, I don't care!" I says =)

* — As an interesting aside, I'm much better at remembering names than faces. I find that faces change, but names generally do not. =)

If I've had a solid 10-15 minute individual conversation with you, I won't likely ever forget your name in my life (unless I was never told to begin with). I've recognized people from pre-Kindergarten onwards on the street from time to time.

And I also have a better time remembering last names than first names. So, if you and I ever meet in person and I address you as "Mr. So&so" or "Ms Such&such", please realize that I'm not being smarmy or obsequious. I'd rather be a little too polite than ask you for your name again =)

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		5°C
mood	:		okay

razorw asked me what Feeds I read. =)

( Peoples' personal blogs that I've added to my Read Friend filters: )

( Things that I've added to my LJSynFeeds filter: )

( Things that you would have pegged me to read, that I don't: )

( Comics I would read if they were available: )

weather	:		wonky
outside	:		8°C
mood	:		cheerful

I had nothing to say for the other Friday Five questions, but I yammered on forever about the first one =)

1. Do you enjoy the cold weather and snow for the holidays?

It doesn't snow much in Vancouver anymore, but we used to buried in white stuff almost every year. As an adult, when I hear about impending snow, I think, Oh shit... fucking people... can't drive on a sunny day... become idiots in the rain... nevermind the snow... It's really freaky to look in your rearview mirror and see a minivan come barrelling towards you, sideways. I got out of the way just in time, but STILL =O

As long as we're far away from cars though, white winter landscapes are amazingly beautiful and very calming to look at. I think this year, I'll try to convince </a></b></a> to go snowshoeing with me. I've never been snowshoeing before, but it sounds better to me than skiing or snowboarding.

As a kid, I loved snow. I don't know of a single child who doesn't lovelovelove both playing in it and the possibility of school being cancelled because of the it. =)

I remember rolling a snowball gathering up as much snow as I could until it was just massive. By the time I was done, you could probably fit more than three of me inside the snowball.

I did this every year it snowed. We lived on a street that's a pretty steep slope. One year, I had the brilliant idea of carrying an armload sized snowball up to the top of the hill and giving it a push so that it would roll down by itself. That way, I didn't have to work so hard at collecting snow. It was pretty comical to watch. For a while it did roll and grow just like on TV. =D =D But near the bottom of the hill, it veered off course, smashed into a tree and broke into bits, missing the neighbour's car by a hair. It would have done substantial damage to the car, it was that big. =P

I collected up all the snow in my front yard, my back yard, the neighbour's yards =) They all loved me for it because then they didn't have to shovel. And I was meticulous about it too, I really sucked up every bit of white stuff. You couldn't tell by looking at their yard that it had snowed at all =)

So, this huge snowball monument would stand in the middle of my front yard. I had noticed when I was little that the bigger the pile of snow, the longer it lasted into the warm weather and still be there. These gigantasmic snowballs would melt slowly and I'd get to see it every day as I went to school and came home, often up to a week after all the snow had disappeared. It was my way of cheating time and making the snowy season last.

I also like the cold because that means bundling up. That means hiding the lumpy, blobby and funny-looking bits of me.

weather	:		sunny
outside	:		6°C
mood	:		okay

5. Share your favorite scary story...real or legend!

My favorite has to be of the haunted house on the south east corner of King Edward and Cambie Street in Vancouver. We live sort of nearby, but we rarely go in that direction, so we only drive by it occasionally.

It's on a huge lot in a great area just North of Queen Elizabeth Park which is the highest point in Vancouver and probably in one of the most expensive property value areas in Vancouver, if not the Lower Mainland. The current house on the lot was built no more than 10-15 years ago. The property and the house is valued at approximately (CAD)$1.25 million (possibly more).

They've never been able to sell it for more than about $400K and no one lives there for more than 3 months max. The land that it's on, apparently, used to be an ancient Native Indian burial ground and there have been a zillion and one anecdotes about creepy things that happen to people who buy that house, in a full range of severity.

The couple putting their baby in the crib, then hearing the baby scream, rushing into the nursery to find the baby teetering on the edge of the open window sill.

The family that finished moving in, went out for dinner and came home to find all their luggage folded, packed and placed neatly in the foyer, supposedly telling them that "it's time to go".

There are reams and reams more, I'm sure.

The anecdote closest to me is of </a></b></a>'s third Uncle, who used to install and maintain alarm systems. He was asked to install an alarm system in that house. He says that he was washing his hands in one of the washrooms and in the mirror, he saw a woman walking around behind him. She was ignoring him, but she was only in the mirror and there was no one else in the house.

I don't think much of this house. It's never bothered me. I think it is unfortunate that a nice house in a great neighbourhood is plagued with such bad karma. But it's none of my concern. Personally, I'm much more interested in that house about a block west of the haunted house that looks like a little European cottage. =)

weather	:		cloudy
outside	:		14°C
mood	:		apathetic

I know less than I'd like to about the world outside my personal life. I'm not completely oblivious to things around me. I can be incredibly observant when I want to or have to be. I don't have a poor memory. It's decent most of the time and damned near photographic sometimes. If I've ever known your name, it's not likely that I'd forget it. I'm not stupid. No one is an employed Software Engineer on a full tank of stupid these days.

I listen to the morning news summaries on CBC Radio-2. I read front page stuff of two or three papers when I'm puttering around the company kitchen. I glance over Google News for things that jump out at me. Sometimes I read further and follow a few different links on the topic if I have time.

I watch the Kennedy Space Center mission and launch schedules fairly closely. I want to read mission specs straight. No, NASA's not going to tell you everything; yes, it's just a token publicity site. But, I'm more comfortable piecing things together from the mission specs and talking to the people I trust. I'm confused and ticked that the Endeavour STS-115 mission that was scheduled for this May has disappeared with no other explanation. I completely understand that it had to be rescheduled and I'm sure it will be put back in due time, but I haven't asked about it yet.

If I only read the news in spurts, it's because I don't have the energy to read, coupled with the fact that I'm not sure how much I can trust Journalism. Nine times out of ten, the author of a news article won't be telling you everything. I'm constantly thinking, what about this?, what about that?, that's not how it works..., a person like this would not do something like that. It's exhausting and I don't always want to get into it.

The article will be telling you what the Managing Editor has already decided will be told. The angle and the approach will already be chosen. This Managing Editor may or may not be in touch with reality. How many times have I both heard and experienced, firsthand, how a published article has completely misquoted the source, including myself? Way too many to count.

These people don't care about the truth. If they did, then they wouldn't be allowed to string together individual words from whatever context into a "quote". The next time you see an article that has a quote from someone, know that it may or may not be what the source actually said. It could be made up of individual words in a whole conversation on a completely different topic.

We live in much less of a democracy than we toot our own horns for. Just because they don't tell you that the government controls the news sources, doesn't mean we really live in a free press society.

Regarding world politics, I know enough to be annoyed at the comment: "why can't we all just get along?" I know enough to be able to bring up counter points in discussions. I've derailed peoples' standpoints with a few well placed questions and pointed out logical flaws in certain arguments before. But generally, I feel like I'm struggling to even keep up with what the hell is going on, nevermind trying to form an opinion on anything.

News aside, I also have very little experience with social issues outside of my life.

</a></b></a>pj was talking to me (at me?) about Asian/White couples last night. Apparently, AF/WM marriages outnumber AM/WF 4:1. I had absolutely bupkiss to contribute to the conversation other than "oh really..." and a froggy stare. It was rather embarrassing.

Inspired by dailysoulsearch,
No. 159 — Outside of Personal Life

weather	:		raining
outside	:		14°C
mood	:		nostalgic

I thought it'd be neat to write about all my bosses, what I remember of them, what they were like, etc.

( Shirley - Coordinator, Computer Lab Tutorial Service )

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( Darren - University Computing Services, Help Desk Manager )

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( Derek - Director of a technical resource sharing consortium... )

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( Ed - Customer Support Manager, Ex-Work )

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( Chris - Engineering Manager, Ex-Work )

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( Rick and Thomas @ The Dot Bomb )

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( The CRM Shop )

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And at my current job, there's Kinda-Sorta-Boss-ish-Type-Person. If you think about it a certain way, I have seven or eight different bosses. If you think about it another way, I don't have a boss and I just do my own thing. *shrug* It works. =D

My last few jobs have been at companies with a flat reporting structure. Do I necessarly learn more or do better in these types of situations? It's hard to tell. I would have learned a lot at my first few jobs regardless of reporting structure just because I was so green.

weather	:		slightly foggy
outside	:		14°C
mood	:		okay
music	:	Luciano Pavarotti - Recondita Armonia

Are you more of an outdoor person, an indoor person, or a combination of both? Why?

An evening by an open campfire, wrapped in a blanket with someone you love, sounds so idyllic and romantic. Until you blow your nose after and realize all that shit is also in your lungs.

It's all beautiful sunshine and lovely tans. Until you're diagnosed with skin cancer.

It's a wonderful barbecue out in the woods with friends. Until the wasps want to share your honey garlic kebab, the mosquitos think you're the kebab, the mother black bear brings her two cubs over to get a piece of honey garlic something as well and a brown recluse ambles into your shoe.

No, no. I'm very much an indoor person. Give me my central heating, air conditioning, flushing toilet, shower, recess lights, internet, Ikea shelving units, Torna a Surriento on my 8 point surround sound nearly hitting the resonant frequency of the windows and no one gets hurt.

Inspired by dailysoulsearch,
No. 118 — Indoor or Outdoor

weather	:		partly cloudy
outside	:		15°C
mood	:		okay
music	:	Joan Sutherland - Norma, Sediziose voce (Bellini)

( 1. What housekeeping chore(s) do you hate doing the most? )

( 2. Are there any that you like or don't mind doing? )

( 3. Do you have a routine throughout the week or just clean as it's needed? )

( 4. Do you have any odd cleaning/housekeeping quirks or rules? )

( 5. What was the last thing you cleaned? )