The Bride of the First House (bride) wrote,
The Bride of the First House

Just Before I Go Coffee

[weather|clear sunny]
[mood|as of yet, uncoffee'd]

*sigh* I feel bad posting all the miserable things in my life. I feel bad that others have to read it. I don't like being a downer, I really don't. I think I'll try to stick to happy posts in my journal from now on. I don't really want to make the yucky posts "Friends Only" either because, why should I unload my shit on my friends?

I was talking to piyomomo last night and at one point, I said, "I vent, but in the end, they are my family." They may not like me and I'll always be held to some vague, ever-changing, unattainable standard. But that's the way it goes. That's just the way it goes. I don't play the Fake Affection Monkey game.

There's also a sense of shame that I feel in telling the world what a failure I am. True, that in the grand scheme of things, it's really insignificant. It's kinda like, what's wrong with me that I won't do myself a favour, get away from these people and move on with my life? Leaving would be punishing ourselves and letting the evil ones have the run of the house, getting away with what they're doing. That feels even more wrong.


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