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Real Women vs. Martha Stewart

weather: sunny
music: Delibes - Lakme, Flower Duet

Martha's Way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Women's Way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you're probably eating it lying on the couch with your feet up anyway.

Martha's Way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Women's Way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry. That stuff will keep for years.

Martha's Way: When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Women's Way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's Way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up".

The Real Women's Way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me The Real Women's motto: "I made it and if you don't like it you can just go hungry."

Martha's Way: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

The Real Women's Way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

Martha's Way: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Real Women's Way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don't do it.

Martha's Way: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

The Real Women's Way: Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye. The problem isn't the headache anymore, now you're BLIND!

Martha's Way: If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Women's Way: Go ask that cute guy next door... that makes opening jars easy AND fun.

And finally the most important tip...

Martha's Way: Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

The Real Women's Way: Leftover wine?


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 7th, 2002 12:51 am (UTC)
Hahahaha! Very nice =)
Jun. 7th, 2002 02:42 am (UTC)
Great to know I'm a "real woman". ;)

(I suppose that's anybody who isn't named Martha Stewart, in this case. :P)
Jun. 7th, 2002 05:30 am (UTC)
heh - I've read that before but still love it!
Jun. 7th, 2002 07:30 am (UTC)
hahahah ROFL :-)
Jun. 7th, 2002 07:45 pm (UTC)
Martha is evil! Of course, I'm doing bouquets and a cake I found in her wedding book! Pew flowers, too =)(sshhhh!!)
Jun. 8th, 2002 10:02 pm (UTC)
The Real Women's Way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
Hey, some female non-Martha-Stewart-fan will bake too...
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )


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