The Bride of the First House (bride) wrote,
The Bride of the First House

Hi, I'm Downer, the 10th Reindeer

weather: sunny
outside: 24°C
mood: blah

I was really down this morning, to the point of fighting back the urge to cry and feeling that my body didn't even want to breathe (it's not quite as bad as it sounds, I just kept having to take deep breaths to get air). I refuse to say I'm "depressed" because I feel that diminishes true depression as diagnosed under the World Health Organization's ICD-10 Classification of Mental and Behavioural Disorders and is marginalizing people who really are depressed.

I dealt with a few things that I could deal with and that's helped a little.

I phoned one of my Mutual Fund companies and asked why my ex-Financial Advisor's name was still on one of my statements. I switched Financial Admin. companies a while ago and the ex-Financial Admin. company wasn't all that cooperative. I think I'm going to phone the rest of them to confirm that they're not still getting my statements.

I phoned a vendor about a double charge and I got the extra charge credited to my account. So that was okay.

Husband Guy's car has to go into the Honda shop tomorrow morning. I wanted to get my car washed today because it's been sitting outside under the shitting and spitting cherry tree. I can't see out the windshield. The problem is, it's so blazingly hot out today (it's supposed to get up to over 30°C this afternoon) that we should wait until the evening to wash it. Husband Guy and I usually don't get off work until 1930h or later... by the time we get home and eat, it'll probably be dark already and there goes any chance of washing my car. We're going to try to leave work early, like 1800h, but who knows... Of course, it's my own dumbass fault for being too fried to think of bringing out my car yesterday when we were washing cars already.

ntang asked everyone about what they do when they're depressed. For me, it depends why I'm gloomy/down. I try to figure out why and fix it when I can, but other than that, I don't deal with it. I just move on. It's probably not the best way to do things, but for certain recurring issues, I don't have another choice that doesn't involve destroying my life and everything I've worked so hard for, just to fix things.

Shopping is not an option. It doesn't make me feel better, not even while I'm doing it. And it just makes me feel worse because I've wasted good money on shit I don't need.

Drinking is also too expensive and doesn't make me feel better.

When I'm tense, my stomach is also tense... which sounds about right, the stomach is a muscle just the same. I don't feel like eating when I'm upset.

Talking to a therapist/counsellor is also expensive or more than I would want to pay. And there's really nothing a counsellor can do for me.


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