April 13th, 2004

eLouai

What's My Name Again?

weather: mostly cloudy
outside: 14°C
mood: unfocussed

  • 2003 Income Taxes. No, I haven't filed yet and I'm starting to go ape-shit inside because it's not done yet. I seem to keep getting tax thingies up until the very end of March, so I've had to learn to sit on my hands until April. Otherwise, I'm sending in a zillion Amendments, which just screams AUDIT ME.

    This year. AAAAAAAUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! The box labels aren't quite matching up on me. I DON'T HAVE A FARM, MAN. I would call the CCRA and sit on hold for five hours to talk to someone for two minutes. BUT, I don't have Line 150 from last year with me, so I'll have to wait until I look that up to call. I probably won't be able to do that until tomorrow.

    *whimper* I just want to file the damned thing. I may end up putting in my best guess and let them deal with it. I have two reasonable guesses I can make. I'd put in the one that gives them more money, just in case.

  • Grandma's old clothes. I forgot to put the 20+ bags of clothes outside for the charity on their scheduled pickup in our area. I suck. And the Charity Lady even sent me an e-mail reminder yesterday =P

  • Husband is still sort of beating himself over the head about the bird. How many ways can I say, "it's okay; it was an accident; we'll learn and move on" very sympathetically? He's a lot better now, he's looking up all kinds of cockatiel care things online. It's making him feel like he's going to do better for the next bird, which is a good thing. We're on a breeder's waiting list for a hand raised cockatiel. We went to see them over the long weekend and we saw one of the two chicklets that we might get if the people before us on the list end up not taking him/her/can't-tell-yet. We were laughing our asses off, "he looks like a little turkey". =D

  • Grandpa was here for a week and is leaving today. Boy, oh boy. More on this later.

  • Mother-In-Law is back in town tomorrow morning and I'm picking her up.
Wedding

Loss

weather: sunny
outside: 15°C
mood: sad/resigned
userinfoThe Husband has been dealing with a lot of loss lately.

He was talking to me a while ago about getting over Guai-Guai's disappearance. He's a bit surprised that it had been less than a week and he'd already started to "get over it". And he said that he was also okay with Grandma's death in a short time as well — heh, we were goofing around in bed the morning after (no sexually explicit material; I'm not like that, sheesh =), but the debilitating sadness was pretty sporadic. I guess he thought that because he didn't feel sad longer, it meant he didn't love them as much as he ought.

I pointed out that losing someone who was suffering, as Grandma did, was always going to come with a little relief and the feeling that the death was actually a good thing, which is easier to accept. At Grandma's age and condition, that was the reality of it.

The bird... well, what's happened has happened. We've done everything we can to try to find him and there has to be a cut-off point where we say, "okay, that's it, he's gone". We couldn't keep escalating the search effort and our Rainy Day Fund — though I must say, is impressive for us — isn't bottomless.

No one can tell you how to grieve, for how long, in what way. It's highly individual in each case.

His grandfather, though, is a different kind of loss.

Grandpa was in town this last week and is slowly showing more and more signs of dementia. He's headed back to Taiwan now, but ... what a week. He forgets that Grandma is gone and keeps demanding to know (sometimes angrily) where she is. He blurs people together, often we're not sure if he's talking about Mother-In-Law, Grandma or his caretaker lady. He'll also transpose the caretaker lady and Grandma. He'll open the door, walk outside for no reason we know of and try to open other peoples' car doors with whatever is in his pocket (loose change?). He definitely can't be left alone.

He's still coherent when he's well rested. He asked me when we were going to Taiwan next and we had a pleasant conversation. But when Grandpa is tired, he starts hallucinating. It's very common in the elderly, but it scares everyone around them. Several times, Grandpa kept saying there were little kids. "What are those kids doing in our yard?!" ... there were no kids. Then he saw kids in his room and on his bed.

The night his jetlag hit the hardest, he completely flipped out about "the other people in the house", reamed us all out for renting out the house to other people (we're not renting anything out) and they were all stealing his stuff (he's already taken all his valuables with him the last time he was here). And he'd forget that he'd already yelled at us about it and repeatedly blew up several times about the same thing.

Watching a loved one deteriorate, mentally or physically, hurts just as much as actually losing them.

This is something Husband Guy hasn't experienced and I have limited exposure to. I offered to help him find a family support group or a counsellor or something if he needed someone to talk or someone who can help.

*sigh*

eLouai

The Serendipity of Clothing Donations

weather: partly cloudy
outside: 10°C
mood: LMAO
This morning, I realized I forgot to put the 24 bags of Grandma's old clothes outside for the Charity Pickup. We called home for a Random Family Member to put them all outside. Tonight, after the hockey game (our miserable 4-0 game), I thought I'd have a quick peek to check that it was all taken.

I open the door to an army of 17 little green punk potato sacks staring at me.

Damn. Random Family Member was too late. The driver probably came by, saw nothing and left. So, I write this sloppy, wet, grovelling apology to the Charity Lady and sheepishly ask to reschedule another pickup the next time the truck was in our neighbourhood. RFM didn't get all the bags of clothes in the house like we told him to either, so that's just as well.

Then as I go to clear out my Junk Mail, there's her sloppy, wet, grovelling apology TO ME saying her driver called in sick this morning. The whole route is going to be done tomorrow morning instead. =D =D =D