August 14th, 2005


On Staining A Wood Deck

weather: sunny
outside: 25.8°C
mood: amused
We just finished painting the patio/deck in the back with a semi-transparent wood stain, the lightest one... something about cedars... I thought our deck was pine. And I always thought you were supposed to stain wood while it was relatively new. But *shrug* whuddoo'I know?

What I learned on my first painting job since about first grade:

  • There will be retarded bees who will get the smell of wood stain confused with nectar. Brain smaller than a booger nugget and all that... Just keep working and try not to look like a flower.

  • Always mix before you start.

  • ALWAYS MIX before you start.

  • Always mix BEFORE YOU START.


  • Did I mention to mix before you start?

Me: "Don't we need to mix the stuff first?"
userinfoHusband: "No."


We'd finished a whole corner and needed more stain in the pan. I turn around to see the dude quietly mixing the bucket with a stick. *mental forehead clutch* *thought bubble: "I've already said 'I do'... I've already said 'I do'... I've already said 'I do'..."* Because all the thick pigment gunk was settled to the bottom, we had to go over that first corner again. [Update: Now that the stain has dried a bit, we can see that that corner is darker than the rest of the deck >K{ *sigh* I guess we know where the barbecue is going now.]

  • I'm staining a big ass deck. As quickly as I can. Before I burn to a crisp. In the baking hot afternoon sun. I'm not submitting this to an art exhibit in Paris. "With the grain" is about the only technique I'm employing. Maybe "outwards towards the edges" as well when I'm at the edges, if I feel like it. But anywhere else, tell it to the tree.

  • The little ouch on your finger will turn into a big Australia-shaped blister and will feel like it's about the same surface area. Shift your hand position NOW.

  • Don't paint your foot. Like, don't.

  • If you re-enact, in the air, the motion of dragging your knuckles across the wood, it'll be easier to visualize the direction the splinters should come out.

  • If you run out of stain just before you finish the last bit of the bottom step, that's where the flower planters will go.

Why are we missing the last bit of the bottom step, you ask? See the "Always Mix" rule above. XD

Despite that, it was actually a lot of fun doing the deck this afternoon =D