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E-mail to the Guests

I had a few e-mail messages drafted up with Bowen. These messages go out to the Western guests to explain some things about Chinese wedding customs. The other guests are our parents' friends who mostly know the drill. =)

The first one is about my gifts - "please do not feel obliged to give them a gift, they don't need anything, etc." Etiquette Nazism says it is a capital crime for the Bride and Groom to mention gifts. Even if we're saying that we don't expect gifts because that, in itself, implies that gifts ARE usually expected... hey, _I_ don't make up these things, okay?

So, I got my Maid of Honour to mention it for me. I'm not going to be a stick-up-the-butt about it if my friends ask me directly. But everyone draws their lines in different places, so I'm trying to do the right thing.

The second one is about the general outline of how the Ceremony will go. It's a large wedding, we'll end up ignoring a lot of people just because it's a large wedding.

The third is regarding the outline of the Banquet. I've been to too many Chinese wedding banquets where the Westerners had started getting obnoxious due to hunger (just before the banquet) and lack of understanding. I agree that manners and behaviour are up to the individual and I really don't think any of our Western friends are nearly the idiots that I've seen. But all the same, I believe a little understanding goes a long long way.


May. 1st, 2001 09:45 pm (UTC)
wedding etiquette
I think it's set up so that no matter what you do, something will offend, or potentially offend.

The no gifts, we'd rather travel deal is going over nicely. Etiquette hasn't evolved to cover situations where the bride and groom ( gasp!) live together before marriage.

Anyhoo. email me at taniamc@yahoo.com and I'll send you info on how to get richard, and me out of the country.


The Bride of the First House

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