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Marry Someone from Your Ancestral Country?

weather: light showers
outside: 10°C
mood: contemplative
An interesting question that someone posted at random to asam:

Do you think you could ever marry a native from your ancestral country?

Almost all the comment responses to that thread say they cannot.

I actually think I could. I might be being naïve here, I don't know. I think I could even marry someone from the Mainland, assuming the right personality. Though it would very much depend on how the family reacts to me. You're not just marrying the man, you're marrying the family.

I think I'd be more comfortable with a family that's already friends with my parents because they tend to be the more anti-bullshit crowd. My Dad's female ex-coworkers and friends in China are all Engineers and Technicians. They all love me to death. =) Dad told me later about a few "approaches" on and off throughout the years, but Mom and Dad don't believe in arranged marriages and that sort of thing. They were content to see what I did with my own life first.

I think if I hadn't found my Husband at such a young age, I would have ended up with a son of one of their friends. So, to find an ally in a Mother-in-Law among my Dad's friends wouldn't be a problem. And, really, for a girl, it's the Mother-in-Law that's important. =D

The In-Laws would more than likely want him to live in North America with me instead of us living in China. So, it would be on my territory (ie. my terms) and it lessens the likelihood of them living with us, at least for the first little while before they would want to immigrate.

Mainlanders are mostly agnostic or they're very mildly Chinese Buddhist which would go well with my beliefs.

They also wouldn't expect me to change my last name. Mainland Chinese women keep their surnames when they marry. That would be one less thorn in everybody's side. =)


Feb. 24th, 2004 10:21 pm (UTC)
Re: A 'native' ... as in someone -born- there?
Could I? I could. I just don't think I will (anymore). I've done it a few times, and ... while they're all very nice and everything, it just... doesn't work. I've gone on about this (extensively) in my journal... :p but here are the Cliff Notes: Basically, it's a matter of communication. While I can speak in Mandarin AND Cantonese, my Cantonese tends to be a little weak. I talk (and think!) fairly differently depending on the language.

When I speak in English, it tends to be very Americanized, I'm very fast, very confident, and talk on and on and on. In Chinese, I tend to stumble over my words... mostly because I'm not sure if I'm using the right word, in the right context, if I put the accent in the wrong place... and if I'm talking about, say, the movie we just watched together, I don't want to pause and examine each and every word. Plus, because of our different upbringing, what I'll see, what I'll notice, what I -value- is considerably different to what she does.

While it's possible that she could grow to understand it, she could learn it... I guess I'm just a little too impatient to wait for someone to play catch up. I don't mind explaining, but when it's every other time, the time spent 'hanging out' starts to feel like lessons, and that's not really fun.
Feb. 24th, 2004 10:24 pm (UTC)
Re: A 'native' ... as in someone -born- there?
Ah, I see.


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