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Marry Someone from Your Ancestral Country?

weather: light showers
outside: 10°C
mood: contemplative
An interesting question that someone posted at random to asam:

Do you think you could ever marry a native from your ancestral country?

Almost all the comment responses to that thread say they cannot.

I actually think I could. I might be being naïve here, I don't know. I think I could even marry someone from the Mainland, assuming the right personality. Though it would very much depend on how the family reacts to me. You're not just marrying the man, you're marrying the family.

I think I'd be more comfortable with a family that's already friends with my parents because they tend to be the more anti-bullshit crowd. My Dad's female ex-coworkers and friends in China are all Engineers and Technicians. They all love me to death. =) Dad told me later about a few "approaches" on and off throughout the years, but Mom and Dad don't believe in arranged marriages and that sort of thing. They were content to see what I did with my own life first.

I think if I hadn't found my Husband at such a young age, I would have ended up with a son of one of their friends. So, to find an ally in a Mother-in-Law among my Dad's friends wouldn't be a problem. And, really, for a girl, it's the Mother-in-Law that's important. =D

The In-Laws would more than likely want him to live in North America with me instead of us living in China. So, it would be on my territory (ie. my terms) and it lessens the likelihood of them living with us, at least for the first little while before they would want to immigrate.

Mainlanders are mostly agnostic or they're very mildly Chinese Buddhist which would go well with my beliefs.

They also wouldn't expect me to change my last name. Mainland Chinese women keep their surnames when they marry. That would be one less thorn in everybody's side. =)


Comments

rcantilles
Feb. 25th, 2004 09:30 am (UTC)
Count me in with the people who say they couldn't.

It'd be too much of a culture clash. I'm so much more comfortable in American culture than in Chinese culture. So I doubt that someone from Hong Kong or China would have much in common with me. And I'm not even fluent in Cantonese anymore.

Sure, he might have the same general values. But there's more to a relationship than that... I'm having issues putting this into words.

Of course, this is all conjecture.
bride
Feb. 25th, 2004 10:09 am (UTC)
I think it's a bit like a huge age gap. It's not impossible, but it's harder when you don't have common experiences and a common culture to draw on.

Jokes and other spontaneous things end up having to be explained which takes the fun out of it sometimes. And like chenpion says, dates start to feel like "lessons", you're explaining every last thing.

It's also exhausting to be speaking a non-native language.

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eLouai
bride
The Bride of the First House

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