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Stupid Women

weather: cloudy
outside: 9.1°C
mood: bitchy
I hate women. Women disgust me. I swear, I can't be one of them anymore. Can I please disavow membership to this gender? I so seriously don't want to be associated with people who do things like this.

1) My best friend knows everything. She knows all of your vitals -- from the size of your bank account to the size of your other, um, holdings -- and she knows how both compare with those of every other man I've ever dated.

I thought it was illegal to disclose that kind of information without permission... (?) I was always taught that bank account size, or anything to do with money, is something that is held in the highest confidence. NO ONE is to know ANYONE'S bank account size unless it comes from them directly. Not you, not his family, not your family AND LEAST OF ALL, YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS.

And the rest of it... has been removed from www.menshealth.com, but it's copied here:

The woman you sleep with gazes into your eyes and tells you she loves you. And you believe her. You can tell by the way she looks at you, the way she holds you, the way she seems to always know what you want before you do. There are a couple of things in life you just know, and love and this naked woman are two of them. But there are a lot of things you don't know. A woman may give you her body and her heart, but there are parts that she'll never give up. Mysteries only hinted at in a passing sly smile, an inscrutable laugh. These are the secrets of lovers past, hidden fantasies, and unshared longings. A woman's deepest secrets that don't -- and never will -- include you. You're about to sample this hidden knowledge. But like any man who seeks, you'd better be prepared for what you're about to find.

  1. My best friend knows everything. She knows all of your vitals -- from the size of your bank account to the size of your other, um, holdings -- and she knows how both compare with those of every other man I've ever dated. I have done a hand-comparison measurement so I can divulge size and girth with a high level of accuracy. When my friend smirks at you knowingly, you are not imagining it. She knows. So just know that she knows, and deal with it. (It's not going to change.) Ask her about me, or chat with her about our relationship, at your own risk. She will tell me. Even -- in fact, especially -- if she promises not to. This is not always a bad thing (e.g., if you happen to be telling her how much you love me). But, in general, remember that she is my confidante first, and yours never.

  2. Just looking at your hands can turn me on.

  3. When you go away, even for a day, I sleep in your favorite old T-shirt because it smells like you.

  4. I'll never tell you exactly how many men I've slept with. No matter how sincere I appeared when I answered your question, chances are I wasn't. As an unscientific guideline, when a woman says she's slept with four men, the real number is actually closer to seven. Her fib is partly intentional (she doesn't want to appear a floozy), but mostly it's sexual amnesia. When a woman wants to pretend an encounter never occurred, she simply scraps the man from her official score sheet. Common excuses that lead to such an omission: The actual sex lasted only a few thrusts; or she was drunk or on the rebound.

  5. I fantasized about being with you at least a dozen times before we actually first got naked.

  6. I still think about my ex-boyfriends and compare them to you. Mostly you win. Sometimes not.

  7. I have Googled your exes.

  8. When I'm falling in love with you, I completely lose my appetite.

  9. My body really isn't naturally this hairless and smooth all over. But I will never allow you to see any indication whatsoever of all the shaving, tweezing, waxing, exfoliating, and moisturizing that gets it this way.

  10. I only appear to have it all together. My true organization (or lack thereof) is revealed in my closet, my makeup bag, my desk files.

  11. I have discovered your porn stash and your frequently visited porn Web sites and think the things that turn you on are hilarious.

  12. When I say, "I'm ready," I'll need exactly 7 more minutes to get ready. Don't try to cheat the system by showing up 7 minutes later; I will still need an extra 7 minutes.

  13. When I say, "I'll meet you in 15 minutes," I mean I will leave in 15 minutes, and thus won't actually arrive for at least 30 (but probably more like 40).

  14. You've made me cry more times than you'll ever know.

  15. I obsess about when you're going to call me again. The period of time between our first date and your "Thanks for a great night; when can I see you again?" always seems stretched into slow motion. So don't worry about looking too eager. Call. Even if you only wait until noon the day after, it will feel like a lifetime to me. And don't send me an e-mail unless you want me to put you in the figurative trash can along with your message.

  16. I want you to talk a little dirty.

  17. At the beginning of our relationship, I save all of your voice mails and listen to them (and make my friends listen, too), repeatedly.

  18. I might wear granny underwear and purposely not shave my legs because I like you. As crazy as it sounds, the more I like you, the less likely I am to sleep with you on an early date, because I don't want to sabotage having a "proper" relationship with you. So I just might purposely hunt out the ugliest underwear in my drawer and not shave my legs -- all to prevent myself from getting naked with you too soon. Sometimes I might get a little tipsy or carried away, and this plan will backfire.

  19. I split the cost of my fashion purchases over two or more credit cards, so you don't notice the gargantuan deficit.

  20. I'm constantly testing you. I observe, analyze, and judge every action, word, gesture, e-mail, and facial expression. When I ask you if you want to have a threesome, I don't mean it. If you want me to speak to you again, let alone sleep with you after this conversation, the answer should always be, "Why would I want to sleep with another woman when I have you?"

  21. I check out your butt every time you leave the room.

  22. I need constant indications that you want me around. That's why it's better, for example, to say, "I want you to come away with me for the weekend. Could you come with me?" than to ask, "What are you up to this weekend?"

  23. I love it when you get a little jealous. So if you ever see me flirting in front of you with the waiter, the bus driver, or another guy at a party, know I'm actually flirting with you -- through him.

  24. Even though I may complain that I don't see you enough (or that you work too hard), I find nothing sexier than watching you put on a suit in the morning and rush off to work.

  25. I start fights with you because I'm feeling ignored. I'm trying to force emotion out of you. Don't retreat into your cave; just give me what I want: some attention. And never tell me to "calm down," unless you want to guarantee that I absolutely won't.

  26. Even if I insist on paying or splitting the bill on our first date, I'll think you're cheap if you let me.

  27. I may find your best friend repulsive, but I've fantasized about sleeping with him. Not because I want him, but because I want a piece of a guy who is so close to you.

  28. If I'm going to break up with you, all of my friends know way before you do. I've been talking about it for 2 weeks.

  29. When we do break up, I put all photographs of you and mementos of our relationship in a shoe box and store it in my closet. Just in case I get nostalgic. Just in case you come back.

  30. I want you to take control in bed. Yes, I have a successful career, I'm financially independent, I live on my own, and I don't need a man to make me happy (in theory). I still want you to pick me up, carry me to the bedroom, and take without asking.

Some points are more benign. Others are. Just. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll be really mean here and say that IT'S REALLY NO WONDER that women can't find "good men" to date or marry. I see and meet great guys everywhere and I'm not even looking. I'm not even trying. If you're pulling stupid shit like that, no wonder they're not staying with you.

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Comments

( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
marnanel
Mar. 27th, 2005 05:37 am (UTC)
ick. :(
(Deleted comment)
fianna
Mar. 27th, 2005 07:32 am (UTC)
This is very true.
yueni
Mar. 27th, 2005 05:50 am (UTC)
O.o That is so illegal it's not even funny. I'm 99.99999% sure that it's pretty much illegal all over the world. When I worked at the bank, I signed so many documents of confidentiality that it's not even funny. And finding out all that information for any purpose except for criminal investigations and certain things is illegal. To top that all off, it is extremely illegal to do so without that person's knowledge.

I want to agree with wintersweet, I really do, but every time I think so, I always meet a gaggle of pure stupidity that makes me want to rip my hair out.
(Deleted comment)
incognita
Mar. 27th, 2005 06:04 am (UTC)
There are a lot of things on that list that I agree with... but #1... I don't think I've ever shared the size of Gus's bank account. That's frankly no one's business! I may have told Julia the size of our joint account or how much we bring home together, but that's only when I'm looking for advice on something and she needs the information to give me the advice I seek. But yeah... when it comes to the generaly daily amount that's in Gus's account... hell.. even I don't know that! I have a generaly idea but no specifics!
ntang
Mar. 27th, 2005 07:11 am (UTC)
It may technically be illegal to discuss how much money someone has, but I think by that they don't literally mean size of bank account, but more just general wealth - are they earning a lot of money or are they financially successful in other ways, essentially. I doubt if it's really that unusual for people to occasionally discuss that sort of thing with friends - and I have no doubts at all that there are a lot of women that are definitely shallow enough to want to brag about how much their boyfriend/ husband/ etc. makes.

Personally, I hate articles like that - if they're true, they're bad, and if they're not true, then I don't want to know it, personally. I like to pretend the women I date are actually good people who like me for me and so on and so forth. It's part of the reason that I often hesitate to talk about work at all until I know them better and vice versa; I (as you've undoubtedly noticed) have self-confidence issues, and I need to know that they've chosen to be with me without any idea of how much money I make or whatever. (And since I tend to not wear very expensive clothes, no watches or jewelry, etc. there's not a lot out there to betray my income initially.)
shashin
Mar. 27th, 2005 08:06 am (UTC)
This lass is a piece of work ain't she? She seems waaayyyy too insecure and neurotic. I almost feel like I'm reading something written in highschool or possibly Sex in the City? (Never watch that show so I can't be sure)

Personally, I don't find the disclosure of information so annoying as the mind games. Wages, etc I figured were pretty much public things anyways. If anyone really wanted to know, they could find out. But the games... ugh... that's really immature. :p The guy would have no reason to give her any trust once he figured it out.

Everyone's got their quirks but all these at once?

Thankfully, girls I know aren't anything like this.
deslea
Mar. 27th, 2005 09:42 am (UTC)
Ew. Just, ew.
pling
Mar. 27th, 2005 11:12 am (UTC)
I think the one that appalled me most was the one about "I start fights because I'm bored" ... now, I wonder why such women have to edit down the list of ex-boyfriends to avoid being thought of as floozies. I'd've though any man worth keeping would go as soon as he worked that one out </bitch>
incognita
Mar. 27th, 2005 12:49 pm (UTC)
I actually really connected with that one. But mostly the "Don't retreat into your cave; just give me what I want: some attention" part and not the "I start fights with you because I'm feeling ignored" part.

I love articles like these because they help me take a look at myself. I used to be really good about just flat out saying "hey. Stop playing your damn video games and come talk to me for a while!" Articles like these remind me where I've started to slack in that regard and help to wake me up a little bit :)
bride
Mar. 27th, 2005 08:54 pm (UTC)
*nod* You never want to create an environment where "negative attention is better than no attention at all".
soyelmango
Mar. 27th, 2005 12:49 pm (UTC)
ok, so you disagree [understatement!] with some of her points, but which, if any, do you agree with?

This is an article written by one woman proclaiming how every woman thinks. If anyone reads it truly believing that that is what goes on in every woman's mind, then maybe it's the jolt they need to wake them from their little bubble of rosy security and face the real world.

And just imagine what would be in the article Secrets every man keeps from his woman... I'd also wonder why he hasn't found the perfect woman, I'd denounce him to all, but underlying all that, I'd hate him for revealing some of my deepest darkest secrets to women, waking them from their little bubble of rosy security to face the real world of what men can really be like.
retrospeck
Mar. 27th, 2005 02:26 pm (UTC)
I don't know.. I bitch about the female gender a lot, I am friends with far more guys than I am girls. I have two very close girl friends, a couple of other girls that I consider close but have lost touch with, and then a billion guy friends.

But.. hell, looking at the comments here I'm almost scared to say it, a bunch of the things from that list are true about me.

Maybe I'm just the only one stupid enough to admit it here, hahaha. My best friend doesn't know everything about my boyfriend, I can't see how discussing the size of his bank account could ever be particularly relevant and even then, I might give a general idea for context, but you know.. I don't think it's that girls dilulge personal information about their boyfriends. I tend to just gush about my relationship because she's the only person I will let myself do that with.

I disagree with the way girls seem to play a lot of mind games and I believe in honesty in a relationship but most of the things on that list really didn't seem surprising to me. It's kind of the stereotypical view anyways. I think she just pulled some material out of her ass to fill out the article. ;)

I would hope a man reading that would know to take it with a grain of salt, otherwise he deserves to go around thinking that all women are like that. Like someone else said, it's one woman's perspective that just so happens to be representing the whole female gender.
trigeekgirl
Mar. 27th, 2005 04:20 pm (UTC)
That's....interesting....

drsaddam
Mar. 27th, 2005 08:19 pm (UTC)
This list is disgusting, for the most part. I run from women like this like the plague. But I don't think most women are that low. The ones who are---I hope to God they stay single and don't abuse any more men.
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )

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