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I took a Study Skills course in the summer before my first year of University... many many moons ago. One of the topics that we covered was on Memory. Terry, the instructor, said something very profound that I take with me to this very day:
"If you don't remember someone's name, it means you didn't bother to learn it in the first place."
I was a bit put off by that at first, as I'm sure the other participants were as well. But on reflection, I realize that I was offended because it was true and it hit too close to home.
Brain damage aside, it's literally impossible to forget the name of someone who is important to you or has some kind of meaning to you, whether positive or negative. You'll always remember the names of people you like; you'll always remember the names of people you hate.
It, then, becomes a matter of having respect for people and valuing them enough that they have a name in your mind. No one deserves to be a nothing even for the short time they spend interacting with you. Admitting out loud that "I'm bad with names" is tantamount to saying "You're not important to me; you're not worth it for me to even bother trying to remember the ONE key piece of information about you."
No it's not a fashionable thing to say. It's not a favorable trait to have. It's an excuse. And a really terrible one at that.
Once I accepted that truth and began to consciously value people the moment I met them, every single name that I actually learned, stuck.
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Comments
I remember faces easily but names? It's not anything to do with "i don't care" so much as it takes me 3 or 4 interactions to start remembering name to face.
I've been trying to institute the stuff I've read from Never Eat Alone (a book that pjammer recommended in one of his posts)... in one of the chapters, it was talking about how Clinton writes down names, little facts and trivia about each person he met.
If you're very big into networking, that's important, but I don't know about 'normal' stuff...
What's your trick for remembering names (besides 'respecting' them =P)
How does a French-speaking person remember which verbs take "être" for the passé composé? If you ask them, they'll tell you they don't know, they just do.
Do as Clinton does. Write down names, where you met them, facts about them. If that's how you solidify and internalize who they are in relation to you, then that's how you should go about it. I just "get to know them" and that's enough for me to remember their name.
I mean, in a practical sense, what does that entail? I have a terrible memory for details like that; I have so much in my mind most of the time that I can't keep track of things, and I don't honestly believe that it's literally impossible to forget the name of someone who is important and/or has some sort of personal meaning to you. I forget my own home phone number sometimes, and it's not unusual for me to have to sit and think for a second to remember my own birthday. I've blanked on the names of actual friends of mine from time to time. I sometimes stumble over my home address. It's not that those aren't important to me, but it's simply that my mind is overloaded.
Maybe I'm just making excuses, but I don't honestly know how to fix it. I don't think I forget things out of a lack of respect or caring for them. The problem is I'm juggling so much I can't keep track of it. Writing things down helps, but then I'm not really remembering them - I'm just taking notes and referring to it. I doubt if many people would be thrilled if I had to pull out a notebook each time I talked to them to look up their name - not to mention the fact that if I can't remember their name, I won't know what entry to look up. ;)
I tend to be a kinetic and/or visual learner. I can often remember peoples' faces, what I've done with them, etc., but things like names and birthdays just disappear. I've never found a solution to this, other than to just avoid using details like that whenever possible so that I can't be caught having forgotten them. (Which I *know* is a bad solution, but tends to be the path of least resistance.)
I think I've even made an effort to not remember people by their face because sometimes, I can't tell some people apart. Faces also change with time. Names usually don't.
"If you don't remember someone's name, it means you didn't bother to learn it in the first place." I like that a lot.
Once I stopped focusing on how bad I ostensibly was at remembering names, I got a LOT better at remembering them. Helps to dump the negative reinforcement.
I never seem to have trouble remembering the names of hot guys, though, for some reason... :)
This seems like a different problem though than another problem I have - which is a tendency to forget names when I am the one making introductions. Even like my best friend or people I have known for years! Very embarrasing...
So:
C: "This is A. A, this is B."
A: "So you're B."
B: "Yes. And you're A?"
Sounds a little silly but it's helped in my case.