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Colpevole

weather: cloudy
outside: 8.9°C
mood: ...
So much to say; so much I don't want to say. That's what LJ has become.


I have no time (or patience) for wibbling over emotional responses.

I'm conditioned to remove emotions from the situation as much as possible. Anger, sadness, panic and fear, even contentedness and satisfaction. All completely useless. What's happened has already happened. It is what it is, there is no changing the past. What's left is to accept it and move forward.

I'm also very conditioned to prevent problems before they happen as much as possible. And when problems do happen, I immediately want to find the root cause and put things in place to prevent it from happening again.

But this is not the way to deal with things on a personal level. Blocking out the human social interaction aspect of things, however more efficient and less uncomfortable it is, is apparently not the way to do things.

I really wish it were. In many ways, I truly think we'd be much further ahead as a species if that were the case. But it's not. And I don't call the shots when it comes to evolutionary designs and decisions of my species.

Sometimes, I want to step back and issue a blanket apology to those I've hurt by doing things or suggesting things that are just much too blunt.

Yet, sometimes, I just want to say: That's the way it is. Bite me.


Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
razorw
Oct. 21st, 2007 11:07 pm (UTC)
You know, I have to agree with you about your attitude towards others. Its not a bad thing at all. I actually feel very similarly.
bride
Oct. 22nd, 2007 03:33 am (UTC)
I think this is why I would rather just not have friends. I was mildly alarmed a few years ago, when I realized that I don't really interact with anyone besides a few very close family members outside of work. And, yet, I actually feel more at peace, less exhausted, less drained all the time.

I really enjoy work. I work with a great group of people. There's just enough drama to be interesting, but yet not too much as to overwhelm.

I feel like I really don't need friends or any other social interaction outside of work.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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The Bride of the First House

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