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Bride of the First House

That will be the title of my biography and it will read like a Chinese soap. =)

There's a very fine line between "Diplomat" and "Liar". Sometimes it's hard to tell which is which.

T did a little act for the Grandparents' benefit yesterday to show that she was trying to talk it over like a civilized adult (as opposed to throwing a tantrum like a snot-nosed brat child on Sunday). She just cares about her in-laws (our Grandparents) and doesn't want to see them hurt.

Diplomat or liar?

I told T that I didn't hate her (after all, we're family). We just don't always agree on the methods all the time. But I'm glad she's being reasonable now (I did emphasize the "now", just to put the frost into the message that she was being a complete ass).

Diplomat or liar?

And this will be what it's all about. It's a game. There's an old Chinese proverb that goes something like, "Give the guy a ladder". It's refering to an Beijing Opera setting where a performer is doing really really badly. A stagehand would put a ladder at the edge of the stage so that they could walk off.

The proverb means, if someone is making a complete fool of themselves in front of a group of people, then as their opponent, instead of berating them for it, you're a better person for helping diffuse the tension.

This makes me come out ahead of T.

Honestly, though, I don't believe a word she's saying. I believe she's covering up for the fact that she tried to bully Husband Guy ("nice guy" plus "busy" equals "target"), but we wouldn't fall for it.

When Grandma refused payment from her daughter for something else, she wasn't this adamant that her daughter pay for it. K convinced Grandma to take the payment, but T didn't say much.

I believe she has a larger agenda. I don't trust her. But I won't give her the opportunity to put any blame on my head.


Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
xinit
Oct. 9th, 2001 11:55 am (UTC)
I always thought Amy Tan was mostly fictionalized. I couldn't imagine much of what she wrote actually happening... the in-fighting and politics, and the yelling and acid and the chess-playing...


You say that over a billion people live like this on a day to day basis. Wow. ;)

bride
Oct. 9th, 2001 11:58 am (UTC)
*nod* Welcome to my world =)
ntang
Oct. 9th, 2001 03:32 pm (UTC)
If it's any consolation, I've seen the same thing with my eyes often enough.

On the other hand, I think the asians (or maybe it's just Chinese, I'm not sure) that act that way are slowly fading away. Younger generations, even those born in Asia, seem to be a little less interested in the political intrigue that goes on, and I think even the older ones are slowly loosening up some - or at least that's the way it's seemed to me.

When I went back to Vancouver this summer to visit my family and attend my cousin's wedding, I got a very different reception than the last time I was there, 10 years ago. I was a child then, and now I have children - and the difference amazed me. I really felt like I was treated like an adult for the first time by a lot of the members of the older generations of my family, and they acted like they had a lot more respect for me. They even seemed a bit friendlier, really. I'm not sure why, but it was a very pleasant surprise. Family members that had given me and my parents a bit of a cold shoulder when we were there 10 years ago were actually somewhat friendly to me this time. Maybe their problem was just with my parents, and by making the trip alone I had disassociated myself with them, or maybe it was the fact that I was an adult now (I doubt it, frankly, as I'm no closer to their age than I was last time and that seems to be a much larger factor to most traditional Chinese), or perhaps it was that I was the oldest male of my generation and my two children were the two oldest males of their generation. I'm really not sure.

Well, anyways, that was long and pointless. But I sympathize with you, I've seen a lot of the same things myself, or been involved in them.
bride
Oct. 9th, 2001 04:19 pm (UTC)
The distance helps and many people are realizing this. When you see them, you're more of a guest than you would be if you lived near them or with them.

The difference in physical appearance would help as well - if you grew up seeing them every day (like Husband Guy and his relatives), the gradual appearance change doesn't affect them as much. They still think he's the soft-hearted little boy that he used to be.

Re: no closer in age than the last time you saw them

Actually, if you think about it, you _are_ a lot closer in age to them than you were before. Maybe not chronological age, but maturity- and mentality-wise. Babies that are born only a few months apart can look and act VERY different. Adults who are 10 years apart in age can be the best of friends and sometimes look almost the same age.

Anyway, thanks for your sympathy =)
mayna
Oct. 9th, 2001 03:00 pm (UTC)
I'm finding your saga of all the family politics fascinating. Just thought I'd tell you that. (glad my family isn't like that though. :-)
bride
Oct. 9th, 2001 06:32 pm (UTC)
Heehee... stay tuned for the next episode of "Bride of the First House" =D *sigh*
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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The Bride of the First House

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