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Can't Quite Talk Properly


I sound like I've swallowed a frog. Husband Guy and I had a really bad shouting match last night. It's my fault.

What can I say? I'm offended that Husband Guy's father (he is emphatically NOT my "father-in-law") is having an affair and that he keeps bringing the woman around. Grandma keeps acknowledging and validating their relationship by including Anna in family dinners and other outings.

This is the woman who acted like she owned the house and threw a Christmas party at our house for her friends when Grandma and my MIL weren't in town. This is the woman who foisted her hellspawn daughter on us and assumed that we would babysit on demand. This is the hellspawn that sticks her gum everywhere she's been sitting and demands to play network games.

Husband Guy's father has said to us, on numerous occasions, in no uncertain terms, that he hates children and would never come in contact with our children, if we ever had any. And that we would be wise to never have children because, according to "the Buddhist faith" everyone is born with a purpose and some are born for revenge, so we should all just not have children. He's become a nanny to the hellspawn.

Note to self: this man is not to come within reaching distance of my children.

Grandma truly does not have a problem with her son having an affair - we had a long talk last night - polite and calm, though it was - with me in tears because the whole thing was so wrong on so many levels. She honestly believes it's okay. At that point, I could only politely stand my ground that I wasn't accepting it, cheating on spouses cannot ever be accepted. But that my upbringing has taught me that I am not to argue with an 80 year old grand matriarch.

Yes, how very old-fashioned minded of me. People lie, cheat on their spouses and come home just to yell at their mothers and wives all the time now, it's not a big deal. I have to get over it.


( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 1st, 2001 10:34 am (UTC)
Well, I'm sorry to hear that is going on and you have to deal with it. Although, I feel I must confess; I'm relieved that I'm not the only one with disfuntional situations in their family.

*Throws arms in air and does a twirling dance*

"It's NOT just me it's not just me!"
Nov. 1st, 2001 10:52 am (UTC)
*sigh* I'll join you...
Nov. 7th, 2001 04:34 pm (UTC)
i meant to reply to this last week.

i'm sorry you have to go through this.

i think that's one of the reasons i never wanted to get married. cheating spouses is not something i want to deal with. illegitimate children of course, is something i don't even want to think about.

i remember all the shouting matches my parents used to have. and my grandmother telling me never to marry b/c men are evil (she would then point to her husband and my beloved grandfather). once, she even told me she thought my dad had "half-breed" kids (supposedly he had an affair with a Mexican woman. i don't know but i didn't want to know either.

Nov. 7th, 2001 04:53 pm (UTC)
Thanks =)

I know I have some very different values (my attitudes on divorce/separation being one of them). People think that I would be tolerant of it because I "grew up in the West", but I'm not. That, in itself, is causing me and everyone a lot of stress.
Nov. 8th, 2001 10:56 am (UTC)
i think you should stick to your guns there. i would never tolerate that situation. but then, i guess i will be always be the rebel.
Nov. 8th, 2001 11:10 am (UTC)
Sticking To My Guns
I think I need to as well...

It's just that, I know there's a standard of behaviour and ettiquette even when we're around people we don't like. But I want it to be clear to The Other Woman that she is not welcome and it would be better for everyone if she never shows her face around us ever again.

I don't want her to get the impression that her presence is okay because we're polite to her. I'm getting flak for not acknowledging her... I totally ignore her when she's around. I know that's not the best manners, but it's about all I can do to keep from _saying_ something rude to her.
Nov. 8th, 2001 04:30 pm (UTC)
Re: Sticking To My Guns
yeah, i guess i would just ignore her as well. but i wonder about women like that. does she think husband guy's father will actually leave his wife and marry her? i mean, what sort of person would hang around?
Nov. 8th, 2001 04:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Sticking To My Guns
I don't think Anna cares whether Jack will leave my MIL or not. It's apparent that he wants to spend time her. The fact that Jack and Anna want to spend time together is fine. It's just not appropriate for them to be spending time together around the family.

She's hanging around for the Grandparents' acceptance as a part of the family. And for the most part, she's had encouragement because she made it seem like she was just a family friend. Grandma keeps inviting her over to play MJ and out to "family only" things. I thought it was a really odd "friendship", but it wasn't until Anna almost _moved_in_ that I realized they were lying about the fact that they were "just friends".

I don't see her as a "family friend", so I have a really hard time treating her as such.

My MIL won't leave Jack, because her entire family is in Taiwan. If she leaves the family, she'll have nothing.
Nov. 8th, 2001 06:14 pm (UTC)
Re: Sticking To My Guns
so, she knows about this other woman and is accepting her?!?
Nov. 8th, 2001 06:27 pm (UTC)
Re: Sticking To My Guns
Remember too that we all live in the same house (Grandparents, MIL, Husband Guy, me, BIL, Jack). Ivy (MIL) has known about Anna for a long time and is not accepting it, but she's powerless to do anything about it. Grandma keeps inviting Anna. Grandma is a sweet lady, but she has no concept of right versus wrong when it comes to her own sons.
Nov. 9th, 2001 09:46 am (UTC)
Re: Sticking To My Guns
that is just so...wrong!

how does husband guy feel about this?
( 11 comments — Leave a comment )


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